L for Last

I truly believe that every seven years of marriage, there comes a time of change. I have heard of the seven year itch and all that. What I have found is that every seven years, we look at each other and see what is different, where we are, what our goals are, and are we still in love. Our 7th and 14th anniversary went by practically unnoticed being that we were in the mist of raising kids. I remember some struggles and some lifestyle and life altering changes but there just wasn't even time to really act on it or think about it. During out 20th year of marriage, I found myself in a place of doubt and uncertainty. Ty had been out of work for over a year and I had been working just as hard as he was trying to fill out resumes and job applications. I was also his strength when he got frustrated. But that year of our 20th, he had found a great job and it
really seemed like he had moved on and didn't need me anymore. All of my kids were in school and were busy doing there things. It seemed like I was only needed to provide rides, laundry and dinner. In marriage counseling, I mentioned this and Ty pretty much scoffed at me and didn't really understand. Why would he, every day he got to go to work and be around adults and perform his job duties. I wanted and needed more.
By our 21st wedding anniversary, things seemed to have gotten worse instead of better. I was desperately looking for ways to change "us". After 4 1/2 years of marriage counseling, there was really no progress happening. Marriage counseling was good for us in the parenting department but not
for our marriage. Ty's father was an ass and Ty was becoming his father. And I became more and more withdrawn. I was fighting my depression every day without his support. It was a vicious cycle. The thing is, we don't believe in divorce. I pictured us driving each crazy till we passed away. Not a pretty picture.
That summer, it just so happened that our kids went away to came, all the same week. That is the only time that this has happened before or after. I was kind of relieved. I was looking forward to some "me" time. I would have all day to myself, even though the evenings Ty would be around. Just thinking about it made my breathe easier and even smile. Then Ty, who is oblivious to a lot of things, called me and announced that he had taken that week off. When he told me that, there was just silence from me. In my head I kept thinking, why? The silence kind of bothered him but he didn't understand why I wasn't happy.
In marriage counseling, that week was brought up, obviously. I just flat out told him that I didn't want to spend the week with him. Since I was usually the one that was trying to make things work, I think I shocked both of them. I explained that I was tired of the constant bickering and little stabs
that he was always taking. I just wanted him to be somewhere else. Ty asked if I would give it a try and if it wasn't working out then he would go up to his mother's and spend the rest of his vacation. So I agreed.
The days following that appointment and the kids going to camp were really stressful. My friends offered to bring offer alcohol to help numb my brain. A lot of them were kind of worried about us. They all thought that we were the perfect family (ha, ha)
We took the kids to camp. I was driving because Ty doesn't like driving in the steep mountains. He constantly was telling me how to drive and to slow down or get around this car or that. He was driving me crazy. I just wanted to pull over and make him drive but
then we would never get home. Monday morning, the bickering started again. Neither one of us wanted our marriage to be like this but we didn't know how to fix it.
I was thinking about some of the books I had been reading lately where the husband was dominant and the wife followed his lead. And of course there was spankings involved. So I proposed to Ty that we try something like that. I asked him to tell me three things that bothered him the most. He said the dishes in the sink, the bedroom floor being a mess and that I never wanted to give him blow jobs. I told him that if I didn't do those things then he can spank me. All of this led to further conversations of how our marriage could be better if we worked as a team. It was really hard for me to give up so much control. But the truth of the matter was that Ty had always been trustworthy. And even when we disagreed on how to do it, we always wanted the same thing.
Bottom line, we had three spankable offenses and that he had 51% of the say and I was to back him up and support him. He wouldn't ridicule me in front of the kids, instead he would back me up. He would listen to my opinion but he had the final say.
This was really our last chance to make our marriage worked. By the end of the week, we were wanting the kids to stay another week at camp. It was like we fell in love all over again, almost like a short honeymoon. Just that time alone and the decision to change things in our marriage made all the difference.
Since then, rules have changed and been added. A chore list was made and we had certain expectations for each other.
Our Last Chance has really been successful.

By the way, after we have been living like this for awhile, I was looking at spanking sites (we have
 always been spankos) and I came across some blogs on domestic discipline. I was shocked. I had no idea that people had a defined lifestyle similar to the one we were living. There was a name for it, some guidelines and suggested rules, and opportunity to speak with others who actually lived in this lifestyle. It was pretty awesome for both Ty and myself.
Guess I should have told you that we just celebrated our 24th anniversary.

Our Last chance.