There is so much I want to say to you. Most important is that I am still and always will be your friend. Don't shut us out. You have a whole lot of people who are here to reach out, hold your hand, punch anyone who is mean to you, and give you a hug.
You have been there for me - in my times of sadness, anger, and joy. I cannot think of you without getting a big smile on my face.
Don't you dare just disappear on us. I couldn't handle that. It happened to me before and you helped pick me up and wipe my tears. You reached out to me. If you don't let me be your friend, it will break my heart.
Love,
Blondie
To my readers, if you do not understand my blog post, I apologize. One of our blog land friends has admitted to some things that might make many people mad. We are all human and humans make mistakes. Sometimes our mistakes hurt others but she is my friend. I will not turn my back on this person and I will not walk away. I hope that everyone will understand that you have every right to be upset but please read between the lines of her post and know that there are other greater issues here than not telling the truth. She did not want to hurt any of us. I hope that you will forgive her and support her in getting the help she might need.
Its no big deal! She's raised money for charity, the ALS are better off so that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWe have all told friends about the wonderful job that a member of our family has just got; in reality it's just a title and office work.
What's happened is an extension of that, and nothing more.
Exactly how I feel too. Well said, Blondie. And C, I hope you read this and realize you haven't lost us. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this Blondie, it is how I feel also. C, I hope you do read this. Please don't shut us out. We are your friends and are here for you
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
Roz
Blondie this is beautiful and I also agree with everything you said.
ReplyDeleteChristina's intensions were not to hurt anyone.
When she feels better she should reach out and allow us to help her through this.
That also includes those who feel sad and confused about what happened.
I agree Blondie. I wasn't close to Christina like the rest of you, but the stories she made up can't cover up the actual person you fell in love with. The friend part. Anyone else who is reading please understand we are an accepting community. Feel free to be yourself. There are plenty of people here who are not in a Dd relationship and that is okay too!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you my friend, you are a wonderful, wonderful woman!
Love willie
Blondie, thanks for posting this. I have just read Christina's last post and tried to comment. The comment section would not allow me. My comment was basically this, Christina: Stopping to say a prayer for you. I am sorry that something in your life (whether experience or other) has caused you to feel that you had to portray your life other than what it is. I pray that God will lead you in your next step and all the steps that follow. I pray that He will help you to see your value in His eyes and in the eyes of others as the real person that you are. God bless you and all you love, -Belle L.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went through something similar, years ago, there is no way to explain to other the utter devastation I felt. I thank God, seriously, that ninety-nine percent of the people I knew here, the ones I'd misled horribly, were in the end kind to me. You have no idea how much that meant to me. Had I been blasted, had I truly lost my friends, I honestly don't know what I might have done.
ReplyDeleteI don't know Christina as well as many of you, but I tried to leave this comment to her - I hope she comes by here and reads it.
Christina,
I don't understand everything, but don't assume you have lost all friends. I did something similar and I know the worry and pain you are feeling right now. Give yourself some time, be completely open and honest with those you care about and give them time to adjust and absorb what's going on. You're in my prayers.
I hope she does not leave!!! I have loved her blog! Please convince her to stay!
ReplyDeleteTia
Thank you for posting this, Blondie. Christina, you're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis is a BEAUTIFUL post Blondie! I also do not know Christina as well as some, but I do know that her kindness, fun personality and big heart has always shown through in her words. With that is her courage in owning up to her deception and wanting to make things right. It was very brave. My heart goes out to Christina. And I am here to stand by her and be her friend with the rest of you; to send her hugs and let her know that she is a part of our community. And loved.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Blondie. Many hugs to you and to Christina,
<3 Katie
Thanks Blondie for this post and providing an avenue to contact Red Booty Woman. I tried leaving a comment but I was unable to do so. Please tell her not to worry about us forgiving her, she has to forgive herself. Please tell her I wish her blessings as she moves forward in life.
ReplyDeleteBlondie, you're so sweet to post this and give us the opportunity to let C know she is loved, even in this situation.
ReplyDeleteAt first I was upset because I looked at her blog as a source for insight into living a good DD lifestyle. I felt cheated. But then after I let those feelings work themselves out, I realized something: I realized she must be so so lonely. That breaks my heart. To me, loneliness is the worst feeling to have because you have that isolation and feel you're no longer wanted -- or loved.
Christina, sweetheart, you are not alone. You do not need to isolate. You are loved. Let us show you just how much.
Come home.
M.
Thank you Blondie for this post. I agree with what everyone has said and am sending my good wishes and hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you Blondie...sincerely. Christina, those who choose to throw the first stone are those who would deny that they have never misled or deceived. You chose the road of honesty. Consider staying or returning after a time, rebuild trust and know that real friends are still here. We care and we will be here for you.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to respond to this as well. Christina's site would not let me. There is no judgement here. Depression is a very real and difficult issue to deal with and often leads one to say and do things that are not always intentional. The fact that you were able to share with us the facts as they really are, while difficult to hear, says a lot about your true strength and your heart. We all want to belong and feel a part of someone or something. I hope you can find peace and comfort in the days ahead. When you have had time to reflect and decide how you want tomove forward, I will still be here for you, and would welcome the opportunity to know the "real"
ReplyDeleteChristina. Let me know how I can help.
Depression is real but it is an excuse. What she did was lie over and over and over again. She hurt a lot of people that looked up to her. I'm sure the real friends she pretended to be close to won't say its no big deal so easily. She should be ashamed of herself and get on her knees and beg for forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteI am one of Christina's real friends...DO NOT presume to speak for me! BTW...your judgemental remarks are not helpful nor are they reflective of the type of comments true members of our blog land family make.
DeleteThank you, Cat, for expressing the feelings of many here. We are in full support of Christina.
DeleteTo 'Switch Her Hard',
DeleteHow dare you?! Just because you read her blog do no presume you know the real Christina. You don't know the friend she is to many. You don't know how she has helped many. Her friends will deal with this and their continued friendship how they will. But these comments you made are just mean spirited, hurtful and judgmental. Far worse characteristics than you accused Christina. You don't know the circumstances behind this so just BUTT out!!!
To"Switchherhard" As my mother always says: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it all. That would be just for you. You are presuming to speak for many, and clearly you do not know what any of "us" are thinking or feeling so you have no right to what you have said. True friends stand by one another in good times and in bad times. Sure we might struggle a bit with the circumstances, but it is the individual that we care the most about. You need to spend some time reflecting on what it is to be a true friend in a time of need.
DeleteBlondie -
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you wrote this - and I so hope that Christina will read your kind words.
When I read her post, I was pretty confused - and admit that I am still processing. But the truth is, Christina, despite her deception, is a real woman who needs friends - just like the rest of us do. It took a lot of courage to admit to what she did - and I'm amazed at that as well. I didn't know her as well as you did - but I liked her. What she wrote about was false, but who wrote it is still real. That's the Christina that we've all come to know and care about. That's the Christina that many of us would still like to get to know.
In all honesty, I think most of us have done things we've shouldn't, in order to 'belong'. Maybe not to this extent, but with a little compassion, we can all understand where she was coming from. How her closest friends feel is between them and her. And if they can forgive her, then the rest of us on the outside should be able to.
And to those who are judging her harshly I would like to say - She DID get on her knees and beg for forgiveness. Now who are we to cast stones???
Blondie - thank you for being her loving and loyal friend. She needs to know that there are people who will love her through the good and the bad - it's called unconditional love. And that she doesn't have to lie to be loved.
hugs,
Cali
Hey Blondie...thanks so much for posting this...ya beat me to it. LOL And of course, you stated it so much better than I ever could.
ReplyDeleteI may have met Christina and others through DD/TTWD but the friendships that have developed are so much more. I have reached out to C and told her she needs to come see all the support here for her. She has been there for many of us and shared her sense of humor...she is a member of our family and you do not turn your back on family just because they do something you don't like.
Christina...you are so loved by so many...my heart just hurts that you are going through this pain without our support. As I told you...if you would turn on your comments, you would see that most people support and forgive and still want you as part of our community. Those who don't...not worth your time and effort! You know how to reach me day or night! Sending you lots of prayers and healing energy.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Going to be completely honest I havnt got a clue with what is going on but I have been reading redbooty women's blog for agies and all I can tell is that Christina is a loving careing person with a massive heart
ReplyDeleteEveryone makes mistakes says things that may not be true but u can't judge someone by a mistake as I was allways told never judge a book by its cover and that goes the same with people too so blondie please tell Christina to stay around as she will be missed if she leaves
People in glass houses should not throw stones - and I will not! I am sad that Christina did what she did. But that is not the entirety of who she is. It's just one tiny piece that can be erased as we forgive and forget. I am proud of Christina for posting her apology. I know it wasn't easy for her.
ReplyDeleteChristina - this isn't as bad as it seems to you. You apologized, asked for forgiveness (which is being granted left and right). So now you move on. You heal. You don't do it again. Tomorrow the sun will come up. All will be well. Hugs to ya, cutie!
Ok - I may have spoken to fast and didn't think long enough about my comment. So I'm going to add to it.
DeleteI love what others have said (with that 1 exception) but I love what CaliMom said and it got me thinking a bit more.
This doesn't define Christina. She is a great friend - one who rushed to the side of a friend who desperately needed her. The friendships that have been created in Blogland are not a lie. Ttwd doesn't define her friendships. Like it is with Cali and I, ttwd is what brought us together, but it's kinda on the back burner. It is not what defines us or our friendship. It's just one piece of the puzzle. I hope that Christina will come to realize this and be able to forgive yourself and mend these dear friendships. Like Clara said, reach out your hand and let those who love and care about you help you.
(OK - I'm finished for real this time, lol)
Sarah,
DeleteI love how you put this - ttwd/dd is what brought us together as friends, but it does not define us or our friendship. I think many here will totally agree with that!! ♥
Christina, I hope you're reading the comments and knowing we're all here wanting to help you through this time! I'm hoping you're reaching out to those closest to you. Please don't turn away and try to muddle through it alone. There are just way too many of us out here wanting to support you and help you figure this out. Why it happened, how it started, why now, blah blah blah...It did. Now let us hold your hand and mend. We all need each other and now is not the time to be alone!
ReplyDeleteChristina,
ReplyDeleteWe are there for you and want you to feel our support in figuring all this out. You are no ina ny way alone. Do not choose to be alone. Choose to step back in to this caring circle of people. We are waiting and caring.
Meredith
This morning, when I read your blog. Blondie, I could not believe my eyes. I was shocked.
ReplyDeleteTwo thoughts struck me right away:
You know that I and Chrisitna had some "differences of opinion" when I questioned what she wrote, and the other thing was that I felt sorry for Christina. I imagined how she must feel right now, and it hurt my heart.
Christina, you did wrong. Yes, it's true. Big mistake that will sting in the hearts of many. but sweetie, you're human, Who does not make mistakes? Believe me, you're not the first and last.
We all have something on our conscience that has weighed on our consciences. It is called to live, to learn from their own mistakes, to then evolve humans.
The biggest problem as I see it is that SG wrote.
You must forgive yourself, Christina.
I hope you get help with it from friends, or advisors ..
We, you and your closest friends survives, Christina, we are women.
We are the strong "gender" ... ok, ok .. I know .. it's just to ease the pressure .. lol.
Heads up, Christina, there are actually worse things happening in the world. Children are dying.
Thank you Blondie!
ReplyDeleteChristina,
I forgive you. Sometimes those are the most important words you need to hear. While the details of your blog may not have been true, you still shared your true self through it, someone with a big heart who was always there to help. I have dealt with serious depression. I have a very real imaginary life (or I should say lives) in my head. It is one of my coping mechanisms. You went one step further...and then you eventually admitted it. Which receives alot of respect from me. Who knows how many people have opened blogs, connected with people, all the time creating a fictional life and then closing for "personal reasons" with blog land never the wiser. This took a lot of guts.
However there most be some form of punishment. This is a DD community after all, punishment must be given and guilt processed. Ideally I think we should all line up for turns to wack your butt with a BIG paddle. Since logistically I don't think that is possible this is my proposal:
3. (yes I am starting backwards) You will sit down for an hour every day and write a DD fictional story. You are a very good writer with an incredible imagination. Use it the way it was intended to be used.
2. When you are ready reopen your blog Red Boot Women. If you open another blog, you must let us know who you are. Honesty from now on. I already know part of who you are, I would like to get to know the rest of your true self, and yes your true self is good enough to share. When you do open your blog share the fictional DD storie(s) you have written so far. As you know that is a very vital part of this community, writing DD fiction.
1. Forgive yourself. This will be the hardest thing for you to do, but do whatever it takes to get there. If that takes contacting directly the people you mentioned in your post, do it. You already took the first step, don't stop cleaning this up and dealing with it. It will sit on your soul suffocating you until you clean it all up. That is not a burden a depressive person needs to carry. You must see it through to forgive yourself and move on with peace.
Whether your are in a DD relationship or not, you are a vital part of this community who will be greatly missed.
I will not deny that I was shocked, but then I felt relief. Your fictional self had set the bar very high. Thinking back to some of your posts, I think you have been working up the courage to do this for a long time. The story last year about finding out a DD friend wasn't really practicing DD. There have been other things that now in this new context I understand.
Again, I forgive you and wait to hear from you.
Hugs,
Blue Bird
Blue Bird,
DeleteYou scare me with the big paddle. I started to shout a big "No, never in my life"!,, lol,,
Thank goodness you've come up with something better. You see, there are better things than using the paddle .. lol. more creative.
I liked Christina's way of writing. She is talented.
I was fortunate enough to read come read here right after i left Christina's blog. Thank you blondie for your post...very well written and expressive of what many of us are thinking. Christina...i loved reading your blog, and considered...and still consider...you a part of our blogging family. Please do not just disappear...that hurts us the most.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Thanks for doing this post Blondie. You're a special lady and anyone you call friend is one lucky soul.
ReplyDeleteChristina.......Please don't disappear. The woman behind all those posts and even all the comments on others' blogs is someone worth knowing. I know you never meant to hurt anyone. Nothing you wrote or did was done with any malice. I think most everyone understands that. You have so many friends here, don't turn away from that. You have a place here and you always will. Give us a chance to prove that to you. Stay with us! Please! I hope to 'see' you around very soon :) Hugs!
Christina and I have been friends for 3 years. We talked on the phone weekly, sometimes daily, and have met in person. I'm one of the "closest friends" that everyone is speaking of, and to say I am hurt is an understatement. I'm devastated.
ReplyDeleteI feel like people need to know the real story of the deception, and how deep it ran. How all the way up until hours before she posted the blog entry she continued to lie. Every single thing she told me was a lie, and I am still processing that. It is beyond hard. This is a three year friendship that was founded on thousands of lies.
However, despite all of that, I deeply care about Christina. Christina, if you are reading this, I haven't turned my back on you and I'm here for you. I'd love the opportunity to get to know the real you, provided that you can be honest and understand the deep devastation that is there. I want to be here for you and to help you through this when the time is right. I understand if you need time to yourself, but I echo what Blondie said which is please don't shut this community out. You are a part of this community. There are so many of us who care so deeply for you. It hurts me to think that you felt you had to lie to fit in with us. Please give us a chance to know the real you, and to build friendships based off of that.
Despite all of this, I love you and I'm here for you.
-Chelsea
Chelsea, I thought of you .. you have met Christina. Have you talked to Jim, too?
DeleteThis has gotta be one of the dumbest questions I've ever see anyone ask. Did you not read Christina's post? There is no Jim.
DeleteTo Chelsea & the rest of this community -- You all amaze me with your constant compassion and understanding. The way you form together in times of need is something that makes me understand why a person would lie to be a part of it. You are a wonderful group.
To Christina -- I have enjoyed reading your blog for the past yr and I hope that you get help. In the meantime, you have a community of supporters standing behind you.
All my love --
P
Bratty P, the first sentence of the second paragraph of Christina's post says "Jim and the children exist and are real people." It appears Mona Lisa read the post correctly. Christina went on to say "...Jim is a strong and wonderful man."
DeleteE
Chelsea, I should have mentioned you more because you and Rogue both suffered the most. I know what you two went through and your feelings are real and are fair. Well more than fair. Thank you for commenting and filling in some of the blanks. I know that you and C will do what you can to reconcile.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFirst let me tell u..u r an incredible group of people. ..easy to say one is accepting and non-judgementral...but to walk the walk...well not many do..& u should all be commended..I went to this post to see ehat all the hubbub was about...& one of u really nailed it when u said how lonely she must be...to create a whole persona to belong...& u all have let her know she still does.as is.imperfect, but in your eyes beautiful. If someone knows how to contact het tho, please get on it! She's hit bottom folks, is depressed ,and just wrote a goodbye letter.it's extremely worrisome. ...& people like u are exactly what someone in her place needs.
ReplyDeleteWow. I've been a reader of her blog for a little while, but not really long enough to have any real understanding of the specifics of this situation. I do, however, have experience being on the receiving end of someone's intricately-weaved web of lies.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of the amazing display of support and understanding. I hope one day when she has finished punishing herself she will realize that her bravery in admitting her faults in such a public manner is no small thing. Through her courage, she has created a way for those who love and care for her to help her through her pain. And for those that choose not to take that chance, they may or may not be justified. But it's clear the majority of her friends consider her worth the trouble, so hopefully the healing process can start soon. She must be feeling such anguish right now...my heart aches for her.
Dear Christina,
ReplyDeleteDon't run away and hide. Hiding solves nothing, cures nothing, resolves nothing.
Come out and face the music...but the music shown by all the comments above is a symphony of love and forgiveness not a dark fugue of blame and recrimination. We are all hiding behind masks but I hope yours can be a bright Madi Gras bigger than life one not a dark shadowy veil.
Do come back to us soom
Blondie, you are such a wonderful person, thank you for posting this. I'm hoping Christina can feel all the love and support she has here.
ReplyDeleteChristina, I'm sorry that you ever felt like you couldn't be accepted in this community as yourself, and I'm sure you didn't mean for everything to get as far or as carried away as it did. I hope you can know what unconditional love can feel like, and I hope you choose to stay and let us get to know the real you. I know you must feel devastated, and your close friends are as well, it will take time for everyone, but those relationships can be mended. They obviously care very deeply for you. I'm sure there are others out there that want to belong, but maybe feel like they don't or can't, I hope they can see this, and know this community is welcoming and understanding just come as you are. I wish you peace during this healing process, I hope you can feel all the love and support that is being offered to you, and your close friends. They need the support and love too, and to anyone who wants to judge, I ran across this quote the other day " We are very good lawyers for our mistakes, and very good judges for the mistakes of others"
Hugs
Thanks for posting this, Blondie. I feel for all the people that Christina mentioned as friends. I hope that they can be forgiving and get over the hurt. Secrets are dangerous things and to tell the truth and bring things out into the light is a courageous thing. Christina, I hope you will feel safe coming back into blogland and being yourself. There are those of us here who don't have dd relationships or relationships at all and I like to think we are still part of the community. You can come back just like PK mentioned. There was another blogger a while back named Patty (A Creative Spanko Wench) and she admitted what she had done and came back a little wiser, but better too. I hope you will heal and come back. Don't punish yourself by banishing yourself...maybe you should take Blue Bird's suggestions and then just consider the matter closed.
ReplyDeleteBlondie, thank you for writing this. I read yours first, which put the right perspective on things before reading on to hers.
ReplyDeleteChristina, I hope you're reading these :-) And I hope you're okay. I'm worried about you. That's my job, ya know! We didn't have an opportunity to become close and I don't think it went beyond insanely silly texts. I just want to say, that while I am saddened by this, that I understand. Really, truly understand. I'm lonely and don't have many friends because I work too much. I want to be a part of something. I battle bouts of depression and massive anxiety. One of my coping mechanisms, I guess you'd call it, is that I weave stories in my head. I live these moments while I'm driving, in the shower, while trying to sleep, etc. I've recreated my childhood over and again. Basically relived everything I already did in different ways, and then add in all the fun stuff I wish I was smart/pretty/wild/interesting/wealthy enough to actually do. My characters have names, personalities and styles. Why am I saying this? Because these characters are so deeply part of this alter ego of mine, that I can easily see how that could make the transition to a book. Or a blog. If I were to do that, I could also see how quickly it could spiral out of control and almost without the option to get out. I can't say "been there done that" because I didn't (and wouldn't)... absolutely 100% understand though. I really enjoyed your blog, you're an excellent writer and hope you stick around. More than anything, I really hope you're okay.
As one of Christina's "close" friends, I have something to say -- and Christina is expecting this, too -- I read SpankHerHard's comment and I completely approved. As grateful as I am that C is receiving the love and support she needs from you all, there are quite a few of us that have been completely devastated by the events of the last few days.
ReplyDeleteIf she had allowed comments on her blog last night, she would have received one of forgiveness from me. As it stands today, I awoke ... angry. (Wanna follow me through the stages of grief? This should be fun...)
She understands that I need to tell my side, which hopefully will be soon. Even offered to let me yell at her.
Forgiveness will eventually come. It has to in order for any of us to move forward. Thank you for circling the wagons and protecting her, but keep in mind, too, that there has been a lot of deep hurt here and calling someone out on their actions is not always a bad thing. Actually, it's the reason we're all gathering here at Blondie's today. :)
Rogue
Rogue dearest...if you had written what SpankHerHard wrote, I would not have said a word against it...everyone that C has hurt has a right to their hurt and anger...I keep fluctuating but then I keep thinking about how much pain she is in and how isolated she is. My anger with SpankHerHard is that he/she doesn't really know C and has no right to speak for me.
DeleteI know that you and Chelsea have to be devastated...I can't speak for anyone else but please know that I am here for you if there is anything I can do to help you get through this. Sending lots of prayers and healing energy.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Thanks for commenting Rogue. I will say it again, you are very brave and very strong. I wrote a post for you but hadn't published yet. Well since you are not on the phone, now I am crying. <3 u
DeleteRogue, my friend, you don't have to defend your feelings at all. Yes, we are "circling the wagons" around C to make sure she doesn't think everything is irrepairable and knows we're still there for her, but at the same time, no, that doesn't excuse or erase the damage done. Of course you feel anger. This was deep betrayal over years by the person you trusted as your dearest friend, and hurt like that doesn't just go away. None of that can be minimized, and we circle around you as well, with prayers and concern. You absolutely are grieving, as is Chelsea, and unfortunately yes, you have to face all the sucky overwhelming conflicting emotions that go with processing through it. I hope you know though that I'm here for you in whatever way I can help (I mean it, call me!). And of course, praying for you like crazy. Hugs!
DeleteRogue, you were uppermost in my thoughts thoughts too. If I had had your e-mail address, I would have sent you a note. I know how devastating this must be especially since you were just together in person and Christina lied not only over the phone and in all the other encounters that you had, but also to your face. She had your trust and she stomped on it by being deceitful. I know how close you were and how you found each other because of dd but that wasn't the only reason you are friends. I hope you can grieve and get past things but I fear it will never be the same since though mended the scars remain. Know that we are thinking of you and Chelsea and everyone else who was hit so hard by this.
DeleteHey Cygnet, I forget that my email isn't out there with the blog being private. I haven't posted anything since May so no one has missed anything. I can be reached at anewrogue@gmail.com.
DeleteI love you, Rogue.
DeleteThe confusion and pain I feel is like 1,000,000th of what I know you must be feeling.
I am praying for you. I wish I could hug you. My response to Christina rigt away via email was forgiveness, but also... .reality... she lied and lied and lied... and there is forgiveness I believe there can be reconciliation, but there are real life consequences too. Not the "fun" kind or contrived kind, but the loss of trust and the breaking of friendships and bonds that cannot be ever put back together in the same way. I believe that God can reconcile what Christina has broken, but I also believe that as long as we are on earth there will be pain.
**HUG***
Oh it's Didi in case that wasn't clear :)
DeleteMy heart is full of compassion for Christina, but I'm also worried about someone else. Has anyone been in contact with Rogue?
ReplyDeleteE
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThank you so much for thinking about Rogue. Believe me, there is a group of people who have been able to speak with her. She did comment right before you. We will keep her in our prayers
DeleteRogue, Blondie, Chelsea, Cat and I'm sure I am missing some other very close friends. My heart broke for you guys today. This pain must compare to a death for all of you. You lost someone very dear to you, not to say you won't meet someone new in the process. I'm certain you will grieve the friend you thought you had. I wasn't close to Christina but somehow still felt a great sense of loss today. I am a firm believer in until you have walked in someones shoes we have no right to judge, and I wish Christina well, But Ladies, I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post, Blondie. I wasn't in Christina's special circle of friends but I did enjoy her blog and her stories. It's too bad SwitchHerHard felt she had to take such a hard stand against Christina. I'm sure people are hurt, but when friends hurt you and come to you to confess and apologize, the thing to do is open your heart and forgive. I know it's not always easy and can't always be done immediately, but Christina needs her friends now and it wouldn't be right to abandon her and throw her to the wolves. Open your arms to give her a hug. She's been there for a lot of the people in this community when they needed help. Obviously SwitchHerHard is not one of Christina's friends.
ReplyDeleteI'm hurting so badly for so many today. Her dear friends who have built a relationship and are now reeling with shock and sadness. Our community who feel a bit confused and have a lot of questions. But mostly for C, who must be feeling sick with regret, anxiety, and fear. Fear of the future and fear of the past, and even fear of the present. I'm sick with worry about her. They say actions speak louder than words, well her actions are forming friendships and being a very attentive giving friend. Her words were powerful too though, and I honestly don't think she can move on from this without her friends being HONEST about the pain she has inflicted. It takes LOVE to feel PAIN. it takes RISK to feel LOVE. Her friends risked their hearts and they got pain. But C risked a lot to own up to the years of deception too. Rogue talked about the stages of grief, and I think the people who are hit hard by this, including C, will need a lot of time and understanding to heal completely. We all need to be realistic about what is ahead for them, and meet them "where they are" on any given day. On another side note, somebody in this community once accused me of writing a fictitious blog. It hurt a lot, I felt confused and it was hurtful. That's nothing compared to what C is going through right this very moment, she must be living with a sense of devastation and hopelessness. Blondie, you are a class act. You have given the dh community a place to show her that what she has imagined, a sea of rejection and unforgiveness, isn't what she is facing. In time she will come to see that.
ReplyDeleteI know I am late to all this but oh dear I just feel sad. Sad for Christina as she must have been so desperate in the first place to create all this, for Rogue especially as of all the bloggers she and Christina have formed such a close friendship and I think Rogue has had her own troubles to deal with whilst helping Christina too Everyone has my greatest sympathy. I wouldn't presume to judge any of us out here. Christina , if you are reading this I am sure lots of people make stuff up don't fret about it. It must be hard to have kept it up for all this time. I hope you won't disappear form Blogland. Everyone is here for you . I thought what you wrote Blondie was lovely
ReplyDeletemuchlove Jan.xx
Being new around here, I'll admit I don't fully understand this whole situation. But I feel compelled to say that my heart aches for everyone involved. I admire the strength and courage it took for Christina to admit this. I'm impressed with the compassion of this community. These actions left a pretty big path of destruction. I hope that Christina can come to a place where she understands the value that she has to offer here- as the real person that she is- and she is worthy of love and friendship, both here and outside of blogland. Trust and forgiveness are HUGE in any relationship and I hope that with time, both will find their way back into these friendships. Christina- you took the first and hardest step already, don't forget that.
ReplyDeleteI've been slowly making my way around and starting to comment on some blogs. Slowly because I can be slow to trust and well, it's been kinda quiet around here. But I do hope to get to know some of you better as time goes on!
Full Heart, I am glad you commented. I said to a friend yesterday, I'm not sure what impact this would have had on me if I was new to this community. C's was one of the blogs that made me feel this lifestyle could be long term. This is a very sad time for an amazing community. I hope you continue to read and get comfortable commenting...you won't regret it.
DeleteThanks Betsy, that's sweet of you to say. I have to admit I'm still processing and a part of me is relieved that I haven't shared much here yet and could walk away without even being noticed. I have a lot of questions swirling around in my head and from the start I've always wondered if this lifestyle is truly sustainable long term or if we will be rocking the boat of our marriage for little long term benefit. I'm torn between my craving for support that is so hard to find being new to this lifestyle and knowing I have to guard our livelihood and who we "are" so closely. I can see how this community is an amazing group of strong women (and men), but I guess this was a wake up call to tread carefully if I do stick around.
DeleteI just have to say that I am reeling. It makes a bit of difference for me because I am in the mental health field. I understand on a deep level the kind of devastation someone who is struggling with it can cause. I am also in shock. C was and is my friend. We talked a good bit, and I am still trying to process. In the south we call it being Pole Axed... I am hurt and confused, but only because of feeling misled and trying to see if there were signs and I just missed them. However, on the other side, I miss my friend, and I don't want to just walk away from her. I am concerned that she is in the depth of despair. There are consequences for behavior, even when there is mental illness. And there is also forgiveness. C has always been kind to me and there when things were very difficult for me at times. That much I believe is true of her.
ReplyDeleteI didn't/don't really know Christina at all really, except from some of the blog posts that I've read over the years, so my thoughts have mostly been with Rogue and Blondie and Dana and her other close friends and what you guys might be feeling...and of how I would react if I were in a similar situation. I honestly can't imagine what you are going through right now...it's hard to wrap my head around it...but I know for sure that it's got to be extremely difficult and that some of you probably have a lot of other things to deal with right now on top of this. I know you are all strong women and you will find your way through this, but damn...well, it's just a lot and it's pretty crazy and confusing and shocking. If I were in your shoes, I'd like to think that I'd be able to find forgiveness in my heart eventually, as well as a desire to build a new friendship with the REAL person...but I think I'd be consumed by sadness and ANGER for a good long while...and it would be so so hard to trust again. I believe I'd want to be able to forgive and move forward with my friend in my life in some capacity though...but in order to do that I think I'd need to feel very confident that my friend was getting the help they needed, in real life. This online community is amazing and the support to be found here is real and it's powerful...but if anything, this situation illustrates how people can become totally caught up and lost in blogland too. The stories and the blog may have been made up, but the mistakes that were made are real and are having a real impact on real people...probably reaching farther than we even realize...and the depression that Christina admits to struggling with is very real too. Christina...may the outpouring of support to be found here give you the strength you need to seek the help necessary to ground you in the here and now...in the beauty to be found in the life that is actually unfolding around you. To her friends...hang in there ladies...know that you have a right to anything and all that you are feeling right now...and please also know that we are all here for you as well.
ReplyDeleteI wrote to Christina this morning in reply to her last blog post (which is not gone since she deleted her blog, but if anyone wanted to see if i saved it on my computer) and she wrote back, so at least I know she is "ok". She said she IS able to get help and support from real life people, but overall she is just devastated over the pain she and caused. Please keep praying for her and encouraging her. Even though she hurt a LOT of people. some in HUGE ways, she really does need love.
ReplyDeleteNOW gone, sorry....
DeleteI'm late to all this as we have been away for several days, and now I am 'going backwards' with my reading of various posts.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, Blondie, this is an amazing post - straight from the heart. There is little left for me to say, but I like Betsy's words very much and I would like to echo them.
Secondly, betrayal is worse than a dentist's drill on your nerve endings. I know. And I can only urge her closest friends to hold your counsel and to roll with it. However much you feel hurt, angry and deceived - she now needs you to stand by her more than ever before. I have to admit to wondering once or twice during the past two years whether things were actually as supposed. It doesn't matter. She has come clean and apologised. None of us can walk in her shoes and truly know or understand what led her to do this. Now is the time to prove we are 'real' friends and help - not castigate.
Finally, what an incredible community this is. I don't have words for how I feel having read all the above comments. People like this are worth more than gold. Christina, if you are reading all these amazing comments - don't run away - run towards.
I so hope that Christina won't go and do anything silly. Her desperation unnerves me. Is there anyone living close enough to keep contact with her? She needs our help.
May I just end by saying that the 'friend' in my past who nearly caused me a nervous breakdown, and even lost me my job, has now turned out to be one of my very best friends. It took me over a year, but I kept trying and finally discovered a sad woman with no confidence or self esteem. She turned herself around and has now proved her worth. I think that with the help of everyone around blogland, Christina, can turn herself around. She just needs our forgiveness, support and tenacity.
Thank you, Blondie.
Hugs
Ami
I just want to say I send my love to all
ReplyDeleteThis has been difficult for many but in time it will get easier...
So sending as much love as I can muster and hoping that everyone continues to unite together
Much love to all