One major thing about me is that my trust does not come easily. There are many reasons why but I am sure that we all share many most of them. Ty broke my trust about a month ago. No he did not cheat on me with some other woman. I feel like I need to make that clear because I seem to have led people to think that way. But he did mess up royally and still after a month I have not fully gotten over this.I really didn't want our DD dynamic to end. We have continued to have maintenance. Though it is now on Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays. Sadly, even maintenance has not been easy to accept. When I am in a DD relationship, the most important thing for me is trust. That has never really been an issue with us. Until now.
Over the summer, when I ended that DD relationship because of the way the Ty was acting, that behavior was explained away when he told me the truth. It was an Aha moment for me.I have been a little short with Ty because I am mad at the situation. Thing happened about four months ago so he has been living with the guilt since then. Me? One month. He forgets that sometimes and doesn't understand why I am still upset. Then he remembers and apologizes again.
As usual, the chaos at our house is still crazy. I love that there is no time to be bored but it seems like as soon as I put one fire out another one has started. My patience is minimal, my time to get all of my work done is not enough, and I have snapped at everyone, including Ty.
Apparently he has had enough. Since he is the head of the household, I should be sharing all of my burdens with him so he can help me. He wants to be allowed to be the HoH and I have rebuffed him repeatedly. I keep telling him that we are still doing the DD thing and that I love him but as he said, talk is cheap. Action is what matters.
Last night, after Ty had come home I took the kids to soccer practice. When I returned, I found this note on my bed.
This made me really mad. Who was he to leave a threat like that. I have nothing I really want to say to him. For me, I just wanted to get the maintenance over with and go on to other things.
We held hands and talked for a while. Our time was limited, so we never finished talking.
This spanking really was bad. I believe that not only my bottom was but so was my heart. But my head and my heart are still not on the same page. This is another step in the right direction. And I do want our old dynamic back. I hope that my heart heals soon,As I stated above, even with all the talking about love and commitment, I got the spanking.
Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way Blondie. I am sure you and Ty are going to be back where you want to be soon.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Ty cheating on you never once entered my mind. It must be difficult to accept a HOH without complete trust. I think it cannot be done, how many satisfying spankings are offered. So there is the trust issue to work out. i hope you will manage to do so. If there is ever something I can do to help be sure to let me know.
ReplyDeleteOne day at the time,
Han
Hi Blondie, oh sweetie, this whole thing is based on trust really and that is perhaps why it is so hard to get back to where you want to be at the moment. I suppose at some point it is you that is going to have to be the better person and let it go, just let yourself remember the good stuff and in time maybe things will be better
ReplyDeletemuch love Jan,xx
Sending positive thoughts and lots of (((hugs))) Blondie. I am sure you and Ty will get back to where you want to be. It takes time to rebuild trust.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
lots of hugs and love and light so your heart can heal...one step at a time. When trust is broken it takes time to patch all the pieces back together. It starts with love, which you have immense amounts of... I love the image you shared about intimacy. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBlondie, There is no easy way back. Terps is right, it starts with love, from BOTH of you. Love can mean hugs, talking, sex, and yes- spankings too. Keep your heart open B. See Ty for all that he is, perfect and imperfect. And, remember that you LOVE him and that he LOVES you. Love to you my friend <3
ReplyDeleteXOXO Pearl
Trust is something that is not given, but earned. Once lost, it's difficult to rebuild and give, but it can happen one step at a time. Perhaps, if you give Ty an example of how he would feel if you broke his trust, perhaps he could understand your feelings a little better. I wish you had spent more time talking before the spanking - it seems to me that was as important as the other. Hope you get time to have that talk.
ReplyDeleteHugs, patience and love to you both.
Sweetheart you know as well as I do, that things don't go 'back' . They morph and change. Especially after what you are experiencing. So now what? Try to figure out a new version of Blondie and Ty. One that perhaps has a deeper understanding of each other~ in time.
ReplyDeleteI understand the desire, for the 'rebuild' but unable to get there fast enough. It hurts. It's lonely. It is frustrating for all concerned, and well DAMMIT IT HURTS! I wish I could give you some easy, fast track to get there. I could certainly use a solution myself :) .
You know where I am....even in 'ninja mode'.
Much love, as always
willie
Hi Blondie, I'm a new follower, I found you through mutual blogging friends. Being new here, I cannot really offer much comment wise to this post, except that I could really feel everything you are talking about here, and wanted to add a hug to the mix above. I hope that is not weird! :)
ReplyDeletexx
respectfully,
brat
Hi Blondie,
ReplyDeleteI second Willie's wise words. It will never be like it was. But it can be even better, in time, add long add you are honestly and truly keeping your heart open to him. Trusting after a break in trust is very scary, at least for me, and took a real leap of faith. It helps to think of all the great things he's done, all the ways he was what he should be, instead of focusing on the bad(not that I think you are, but I did when i was dealing with it). Kudos to you for accepting the spanking though. It's really hard when things aren't the way we want them to be, and know they can be. Hang in there :-)
Have you thought what it will take for Ty to earn your trust again? Comunicate that thought to him and give him the opportunity to earn your trust again. Then let it go if you can!
ReplyDeleteSending love to you... In time your heart will heal
ReplyDelete