Monday morning and all, so I wanted to give my friends a little updating.
Went and saw my dad on Sunday. Poor man, has congenital heart disease and OCPD. I just feel for him. We talked about the books he has been reading, what the doctors have been saying, asked about the kids (gets them all mixed up, well except my daughter, lol). Ty and I took the younger boys up to see my dad but they went to the lake and I visited my dad alone. It's getting to be too much for him to have a lot of visitors at one time and can't stay awake for a long visit. So short and sweet.
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We are still not practicing DD. I have not given back my consent. Ty is trying to figure things out and actually I have been learning quite a bit on the dynamics that are involved. I am not sure how much Ty has read, or how much soul searching he has done, or if he is even trying to get into the right mindset. He is still findng it too easy to bark and me and blame me and make me feel like shit. Ugh!
We have been working on our rules. Did I tell you that our book notebook that had our rules in it disappeared. No I didn't move it. We just found it and I am quite relieved, I was so worried that one of the kids had it. I have been typing the rules on the computer now so they can't get lost. Some rules don't really matter, some can be combined and some new ones were added. We also worked on rules for Ty. It is not uncommon for a HoH to have rules. The rules are pretty much reminders of what his role is as the HoH. But we are not there yet. I am praying that he is taking the time to carefully pray and is reading up on the dynamics of DD. He wants to return to it because it was so good for our marriage. But his behavior still isn't one that I can respect or feel loved and comforted. 
We are still having our Tuesday date nights. It is nice to have some time alone. Plus, I am afraid that if we stop doing it, we might not ever start again. It is hard to make this time happen and we try to always have this time. And yes there is still spankings involved. For those of you who are not spankos, you will probably not understand the reasoning behind this. But we enjoyed spanking before our DD relationship. Many times it has been our foreplay. For us, the spanking is erotic and we are probably continue this for as long as we choose.That's it for now. Hope you all have a great week!
Glad that you two had a date night and all. Based on a recent post about taking back consent, this one is confusing. If he is still not acting like the caring Hoh that you want, why are you worried about rules for you and allowing him to spank you? If it's for foreplay and you want it, that works. As you work to get your relationship back where you want it, drawing up some rules for him sounds like it might help. Don't jump back in too fast without some real improvements.
ReplyDeleteThe rules we are redoing because we want to get them into the computer and not in a notebook that one of the kids could fine. So while I am tryping them in, I figue they might as well me updated. I do want to go back to the DD relationship, hopefully soon. He is not spanking me for discipline. The rules are not pertinent right now, and the 51% to 49% decision making is off the table. I am still being respectful, honest, and trying to communicate because that is what any marriage is about. The difference is that I don't trust him to be a leader and to guide us right now. We actually were making progress and there was a little back step yesterday. I am not rushing into this, no way. I love Ty dearly and he is a good man but he is not being a leader.
ReplyDeleteThe spanking part is all sexual. Like I said, spankings have been, for a very long time - maybe 15 years out of our 24 year marriage, part of our sex life. It is erotic as foreplay and during sex. There is zero punishment involved. We are keeping Tuesday night for spankings because we need at least one, for sure, night that we can enjoy spankings without the kids hearing it. Thanks for asking and making me think about what I said and to make sure that I wrote what I mean.
You sound like you know what it's going to take for you guys to move in the direction you both wish for.
ReplyDeleteLife is always a series of ups and downs for all of us. I think that it's great to always reach for what you want yet know it takes time.
I know how hard it is to see a parent suffer and change from that vibrant person you always counted on. It's hard.
We are blesses to have them for as long as is good for them.
Thanks Minelle, your encouragement means the world to me
DeleteGlad you're holding on to Tuesday night dates. Also happy you have no given back consent because it doesn't sound as if he deserves it right now. I understand the sexual spankings (our kind).
ReplyDeleteSorry about your dad, it's so sad to watch them waste away. Hugs and prayers to you, him and the rest of your family..
Fun spankings are always welcome. We are working on this DD, it was/is really good for our marriage
DeleteThanks for your support and prayers towards my dad
Sounds like things are moving forward as it works for you, Blondie. Your Tuesday nights sound like a very nice way to get together, talk and connect without the stress of having to maintain old roles. Gives both of you time to work out what you need and lovingly expect from the other.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your dad as well. I know all about this. We are in the throes of it presently as well. Lots of hugs sent your way,
<3 Katie
Thanks Katie, I appreciate your words of encouragement. I can really use your support. We are working on everything and things are getting better and he is really wanting to be the HoH again
DeleteHey Blondie,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your dad - I went through something similar with mine a few years ago - it's hard. But just keep loving on him like you are doing - you will never regret it.
And I hope that you and Ty can get things worked out in the Dd dept soon. Have you ever considered spanking him when he blows it? Even if it's temporary, it could help, both you and him. But no matter what, I'm so glad that you are having good date nights with erotic spankings!
hugs,
Cali
Oh yeah, I have thought of a lot of ways to physically harm him. The thing is, our DD relationship is not set up that way. It may seem unfair that he doesn't get the same kind of punishment. His role is to help me become a better person, wife, mother, and to better our marriage. The reason I withdrew consent was because he was not doing what the HoH is supposed to do, like acting responsibly, leading, and caring for me and our family. He has to answer to God, and I answer to Ty. Ty is supposed to apologize and mean it, change his behavior and usually do something nice for me to clear the air. None of this is easy and it is a lot for me to swallow (I was raised by a feminist).
DeleteI am sorry that you know what I am going through with my dad. It really stinks and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Okay, enough being sappy. Thanks for all of your kind words, support and laughs.
Hey Blondie...So happy that you and Ty are working to continue date nights...even if you never go back to DD, that is important to your marriage. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy that Ty is able to find his way.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your dad...it is tough to see them go downhill...had to watch that happen with my dad...treasure the time you have.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Well we will be going back to DD, just when is the question. And yes, we would keep Tuesday nights no matter what.
DeleteThanks for your encouragement with my dad.
Hi Blondie, sorry to hear about your dad. I think that you are right to take things slowly for now. Don't jump straight back in until you feel that TY is going to give it a good go. Good luck
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
Thanks, seeing my dad this way just really stinks! And DD will return and I am sure it will happen soon. It's helped our marriage so much for the last three years we can't quit for good
DeleteWriting to you on a Tuesday night... Ah well, it seems to me you have the determination for the both of you. Give it time. Give him time. He will get his act together, you'll see.
ReplyDeleteI feel for your Dad. Getting not enough air is a terrifying experience.
I can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to breathe. I get claustrophobic and find it hard to breathe then (LOL)
DeleteNot sure who is more stubborn, Ty or myself. But he is determined that we get back to DD as soon as possible.
Hi Blondie,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your dad, it's hard to watch someone you love struggle with COPD. I hope you have many more visits and quality time with him.
Glad to hear you're keeping your Tuesday date nights, you don't need to explain it to anyone, they work for both of you. That's all that matters :) Glad you haven't given back consent, I wish the road back was easier for you, but you'll stumble along the way a couple times. The most important thing is you keep trying and talking. Have faith, but take your time. You'll both know when the time is right! Sending you a big hug!!
Ty is ready to continue with DD as soon as possible. He might be ready but I am a tough cookie. Thanks for the encouragement with my dad. I wish we lived closer so I could visit him everyday
DeleteI once heard that sex isn't everything in a marriage until you start having troubles and then it is everything if you are not having it. Sooooooooooo yay to still having the Tuesday Date night- not too mention it will keep your bum primed. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that things are still bad with your Dad. I am even more sorry that that is never going to change. I am happy that Ty went with you for support even though he wasn't in the room. I know these trips take their toll on you.
love willie
Thank you. And you are right about everything. Ty and I are on the track back. Sex is great (it has been so since I found the big O). And yes, the bum will be ready and not have gone soft.
DeleteGlad you all are still working on your relationship and having regular dates-- so important! It may take some time, but i know you guys will get back on track. . . Have a question for you, can you email me at coleredefined@gmail.com. Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Blondie!
ReplyDeleteBoth my parents are diminishing; I understand your heartbreak. Your pop is blessed to have you near, and able to enjoy your loving attention and company.
I've known couples who are quite happy with the domestic discipline set-up; I also know some who tried it, found it wasn't really for them, and went on happily with sexual spanking! You and Ty will find your balance soon.
I'm glad that you've been able to spend some time with your dad. It's so hard when a parent isn't well. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteIt's also hard when your relationship with your husband isn't in the place you'd like it to be. I'm glad the two of you are maintaining date nights though. I hope that's a positive time for the two of you. And I hope that Ty pulls his head out of his ass...oh, I mean, uh, gets his act together...very soon.
Hang in there Blondie! Hopefully there will be a beautiful rainbow after the clouds have cleared.
Hi Blondie,
ReplyDeletethanks for the update. I am glad that you are still both committed to your date night together - so important that you share that time with one another to connect. And if spanking fun is involved all the better I say. :-) And I hope he steps up to be the leader you need him to be. Big hugs to you. Also, glad you had some time with your dad to enjoy each other. Another hug! :-)
Date nights are so important-I am so glad you are both committed to having them continue. Redoing the rules & adding some for Ty as well is a great plan- we did the same & it has been working very well so far. I have not & will not ever be spanking Clark or punishing him in anyway, but he has removed a privilege or two from himself if he feels that something he has done is severe & warrants more than just an apology.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about your dad, it must be so hard to go through that with him, I will add him to my prayer list.
Love,
Scarlet ; )