Attitude Change - No Spanking

Life is busy. Teenagers are selfish. And I am still trying to get over a cold. Can you guess the rest of the story. Okay, give the husband some sympathy, it's well deserved. Nobody should be the subject of my wrath.

Long story short, I have four teenagers plus a ten year old and they keep my on my toes. There is never a dull moment around here. Usually I can pull off the strong parent thing and keep my kids in line. But yesterday, after a very busy day, I began to prepare dinner. The sink was full of dirty dishes, the counters were a mess and everywhere I looked, there was a lazy teenager doing nothing productive. As I began dinner, I started barking at the kids: you pick up your shoes and put them away, you empty the dishwasher, you finish your homework and on and on. There response time was pretty pathetic and they were not jumping like I wanted them to do. Grrrrrrrr, I have no time or patience for all of this.

Then I start fixing this delicious yummy dinner (that I found on Pinterest). Next thing I know, my oldest is peeling a potato. Notice, I said a potato.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Making something to eat." Dumbfounded, I look at him.

"Um, do you happen to notice that I am fixing dinner?" I say as nicely as I can.

"I am hungry now, and this is actually lunch. I'll eat dinner later" he says.

As I am sputtering, my second oldest, pulls a bowl of hot oatmeal out of the microwave. Apparently, he too plans on eating later.

And, because my 13 year old has just gotten home from Rugby and is trying to get his homework done as fast as possible so he can get to Youth Group, he will not be home from dinner. This, I was at least aware of ahead of time.

Now remember, I am tired and still getting over this cold. So I stomp off to my bedroom, where my husband is.
(I always refer to him as my husband because I can't figure out a name for him to use on my blog.)

He listens to me whine about the boys  Then he tells me that he doesn't want to eat what I am cooking. He doesn't want to eat red meat, he wants chicken. Red meat can mess up his stomach and he has an important meeting in the morning.

Well, if you know me much, you can guess that I calmly took this all in and offered to make him a dinner of his own liking.  Well that is only the impression I give out, I am really not that nice.

I believe that I said something to the effect that he and the boys can all make their own dinner and I will not be cooking tonight. And there were probably some other choice words and comments made too. But there is more to the story that I forgot to mention.

Earlier in the day, I took my daughter in to see her psychiatrist that we have been seeing for almost five years. He knows my daughter and our family pretty well by now. Unfortunately, this appointment did not go so well for my little girl. He kind of gave her a wake up call and refused to change some other things until she had improved in other areas. She needs to get motivated and onto a schedule before we worry that her ADD medicine is working correctly. My daughter left pretty mad at him because she didn't agree . (I agreed with the doctor).

While I was picking up my son from rugby practice, my daughter had the opportunity to explain things to my husband. She, being the only girl, has my husband wrapped around her little finger. And she told her daddy how mean the doctor was and how I never listen to her and all that stuff. So as soon as I walk in the door, I am greeted by this situation. My husband did not handle this whole thing really well. He repeatedly questioned me and the doctor and defended his little girl. My feelings were really hurt. Being a team and not questioning the other parent in front of the kids has been one of the benefits we have found using TTWD.

Everybody caught up with my rambling? Do you want to know what happened next?

First he let me whine, pout and say all the stuff that I did. There was no emotion on that face, he looked like he was listening.

Now this is where things turned interesting.

He pulled out a chair, called me over, had me pull down my pants and hold onto the chair. I was rather surprised by his request and moved a little slowly but I did as he asked. And I just stood there like that for a couple of minutes. Then he had me sit down on the dreaded mat and put my hand on my head and close my eyes.

He spoke quietly and had me breathe out the bad and breathe in the love.

He apologized for his role in making me upset. Then reminded me that we can't let things like this happen because it hurts our marriage. He reinforced the fact that we are a team.

He spoke about respect and submission. And he just spoke quietly and kindly to me. I felt the love. Yes, I also felt the matt on my bottom, that really hurts. But he got my attention and he was able to stop the negative behavior and turn the situation around. Never before have we handled a situation like this. It was at first very awkward. I didn't like the bare bottom and the hands on my head. But it worked. I stopped and listened. I didn't try to argue with him or make comments under my breath.

There was just a lot of hugging and kissing afterwards. Then I went and cooked chicken for the four of us. Put the steak away for another night. I told the older boys that they could fend for themselves. And just let it all go.

My partner was right there beside me. Backing me up and helping get the rest of the house picked up.

Wow, this really worked.

Steak for dinner tonight...