DD /TTWD - FRIENDS OR FAKES

I have been wanting to write a blog post about this for quite awhile now. I just can't seem to put into words what I feel. So I am just going to write and hopefully some of it will make sense.

Maybe some of you might remember me writing a couple of posts about a friend that I had made from blog land and from the network. Her name was Sarah. This was my post about Sarah.

Sarah and I became friends quickly. It seemed like we had always been friends. Maybe because we were not everyday/real life friends, we were able to get close quickly. She wasn't a relative, or another parent or neighbor, she was a friend that lived on the other coast and we would probably never meet in person. She was safe for me to share things with and I was for her.

Sarah and I spoke on the phone daily, multiple times. And we texted and hung out together on the network. When she was going through different major things in her life, I was there. I got to know her husband through texts and emails and even texted and emailed one of her friends. She had spoken to my children (briefly) on the phone, sent gifts and gave me messages of encouragement to give my family. Her husband left me heartfelt emails me, thanking me for being there, for being his wife's friend. He knew that I cared enough to be strong and tell the truth.

I never ever suggested or told Sarah to do something wrong. I am not one to try and hide something when I have done something wrong. I am big on honesty. We talked about rules betttering our marriage not trying to stifle us. I encouraged her to always to the right thing. We never discussed how to get out of a punishment (except in maybe a joking way, like putting a pillow under your pants). If I needed to vent, she listened but never agreed and always reminded me how great my husband is. And I did the same for her. I am very pro marriage.

Sarah and I were as opposite as two people could be yet we never disagreed. We got to the point where you don't have to explain a situation because we already knew the background. We cried our hearts out and we laughed all the time. She guided me through some stuggles with domestic discipline and I belive that I was there for her. 

There is more to the story. And this is the bad part. This is the part that breaks my heart and leaves be questioning.

Sometime, I think it was around March, Sarah got herself in trouble. What she did was wrong but I would have to say, the punishment was pretty extreme. Please note, I never said that to her or anyone else at the time. Besides numerous spankings for days, Sarah had her computer and phone taken away. If she had a good week, she would get to call me. Finally we were able to email each other. Today, I can't remember exactly how long this punishment was supposed to be for, it was somewhere between six weeks and three months.

She called me one day. We had a great conversation. We laughed and chatted about everything. We talked about all kinds of things. Our relaionship wasn't just about domestic discipline, it was a friendship. When we hung up, we knew her punishment time was almost over and that we would talk soon. I hung up happy, glad that we had gotten to chat.

The next day I woke up and checked my email.

Hey -
So I need to let you know that I have been going through a whole lot of stuff.  There is just a lot going on in my life that I need to sort out.  C and I are working hard at making things better and being happy.  But its a lot of work.  After a lot of discussion we have decided to take a break from the DD.  I think its just best for us at this time.  It may not be forever, but its what I need right now.  And he is supporting it.  I have decided to leave the site for the time being.  I just need a break from DD, the site and everyone involved.

I promise that I will eventually be in touch.  But I just need time to get my life back together.  Therefore although I will miss you so much Im asking for space.  I just need time away from everything to get things back together.  So I will eventually email you when things are better.  But until then, Im asking that you give me my space.  I dont want to text or talk or chat with anyone related to DD.  I just want to put this all behind for a while and see what I really want.  I need to find me and see what I want.  I hope you can respect that.

I will miss my big sister but this is not goodbye forever.  I just need time.  I wish you all the best in everything that you do.  Love you.

M

Did I see this coming? No way! There was absolutely nothingg in our conversation the ay before that would let me to believe that something like this was about to happen.
By the time I got the email, she had let the network, canceled her email account and was not accepting calls.


How did I feel? Confused, heartboken, worried.........

The next day I received this email:

I got your message and this is my new email. I'm going through a really hard time. I will email again later. Please do not call me or text me. If you want, you can email me. I just need to sort through stuff. M   Yes there were emails back and forth. Whatever she was going through, I wanted to make sure she knew I was there for her. I sent her silly emails, newsy emails, short emails and long emails. I didn't mention anything about dd or the network. I respected her wishes and never called or texted. Her emails to me stopped coming. I was really worried. And there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to get her into trouble by calling or texting her. I know how strict her husband is. Her husband has a split personality, I would say. He can be the kindest, most romanitic and caring man around. But then he had so many rules and there was no wiggle room. The punishments were awful in my opinion. They were not just spankings, so much more. Check out my post on dd Then one day an old friend rejoined the network. She told me her great big secret. I am not using her real name, I will just call her Jill and her husband Jack. Well they had remained in contact with Sarah and her husband. What went on between the two couples is not for me to share. Just want to say, that at first, I was so happy that Sarah had a friend like Jill. I felt so much relief knowing that she wasn't alone and that she was okay. But I also learned that they were still doing dd and yet her husband had got even more controlling and his punishments were so much worse. My heart ached. About a month later, thought they didn't know that I knew anything, the emails were told to stop. I truly feel that her husband is taking advantage of the fact that she has no family and that he had been her rock during the time that her parents and brother had died. He used this to his advantage, making her feel obligated to do this lifestyle because he wanted it. She wanted to make the marriage work but I don't think that she realized that she was being abused in different ways. Domestic Discipline is an agreement between two people. It is something that they both want. If only the husband has the only say, it is more like abuse than domestic discipline. And then, the communication with Jack and Jill abruptly came to an end. No explanation given. Just unanswered emails and then the email was closed. My friend Jill was really hurt and mad. The questions began, not just with me and Jill but with everyone who knew Sarah and her husband. Who were these people? Were they who they said they were? Was he really a police officer? Had they done the "couple thing" before? Was this all just a sick thing that they did? Did they stop being my friend because they weren't able to get my husband involved? Did they tell the truth about anything at all? A big question is if Sarah even knows about all of this? Were the emails all from him? He had admitted at one time to Jack, that Sarah hadn't read my emails - everything was going through him. And many more questions that I really don't feel comfortable sharing publicly. Do they know how bad they have hurt the people who considered them friends? So now what? I thought that I had a wonderful friend. I am the only person who actually spoke to her on the phone and can verify that there really is a Sarah. And there was too much information shared that I can't believe that it was all just a big ol' lie, a made up story. Moving on.... The people that reached out to me when Sarah left the network really surprised me. I had two choices: run and hide or accept these new people and continue on. I chose to have new friends. And I have also chosen to have friends from blogland. But will I ever have a friendship like I had with Sarah? Probably not. How do I trust that much again? Those of you who know that you are my friend, should also know how much you mean to me. It will take awhile for me to trust like I did before. Though my heart has been hurt and I have a lot of unanswered questions, I am okay. I have made some friends that are just great people. I am glad that I took a chance and opened myself up to these ladies. And life goes on.