Our Way

Life is so full of ups and downs. Last week I was feeling so disappointed and this week those disappointments got a little, no a lot better.

 

My husband has never "grounded" me or told me that I can't do something cause I am in trouble. We just don't have that kind of relationship. When I have not done something or I have done something wrong, he spanks and we move on, slate clean. Sometimes there are spankings for "maintenance" or 'reconnect" and then some are for the erotic spankings. But he has neither the time or the interest to micro manage me. I have been a responsible adult and parent for a long time. Taking things away from me would probably be detrimental to our family. My teens text me all the time, B texts me and sometimes my friends and family text me. I don't talk on the phone a whole lot. The calls I receive are usually about something not social. So taking away the phone just wouldn' happen. We treat each other as equals, with respect and yes he gets the final say when we disagree. I would not be able to respect him if he treated me like I was one of his teenagers. I'm not. I am his wife, his partner and his best friend.

I have a weekly schedule, daily there is jobs for me to do. I needed this. When someone works outside of the home, they usually get to see the results of their hard work. While being a stay at home mom, the results are usually not obvious. I am contantly cleaning the house and picking up other people's messes. And someday, I am sure that I will see the results of my parenting, when the kids are older. But I was getting frustrated and bogged down. So with a schedule, I can cross off the chores that I got done, so even if the kitchen gets messed up right after I cleaned it, I know that I did it and it makes me feel good to cross it off. Plus everyday B holds me accountable for what I did or didn't do. If I am not going to be able to do something on my list, I need to let him know ahead of time. Not when he walks through the front door. The rest of my day, I am a taxi driver, nurse, chef, teacher someone who listens and gives hugs. Life is good. Oh and yes if I don't get my work done, B spanks.

For over twenty years, my husband and I have fought for the upper hand, to be the one to win the argument, to have things go our own way. 'we argued, we plotted, we hid behind the kids and we generally had a lot of discourse and stress in our house. Now I treat him with respect and I let him lead and he treats me with respect and he listens to me. I support him and he leads us. The more we do this, the more our house has become a peaceful place, the kids can't play us against each other and we love spending time together.

I know how much money there is in the bank, so I don't ever overspend. I think that I am actually the one who hates spending money more. Most of the bills are automatic payment so we have no problems with bills getting paid. We don't use credit cards, we save and then buy. The only issue with money that we have is that there isn't a lot of it and we need to be careful.

There is never enough time in the day. Many nights we are just falling into bed exhausted without having a real conversation. We talk throughout the day and we share with each other what is going on. But most the time, by the time he gets home, I am already gone driving one of the kids somewhere. Right now most of our evenings are at the baseball field, and we only have two kids playing this year. How did we do it when there was four of them? B is usually driving someone else somewhere as soon as he gets home. Then when we all are finally home, we eat dinner, make sure homework is done and we get the kids into bed. B and I then ty and talk but we are usually half asleep and just need to call it a night. I miss him terribly when we dodn't get to connect and check in with each other. No more do I dread him coming home and nor do I wait till he is asleep before I go to bed. I love falling asleep in his arms. It is nice to feel loved by him.

And last week when I was feeling so disappointed and sad because I missed him so much and it seemed like he didn' even notice, well things are better. Finally, late Sunday afternoon we talked. He didn't feel the wame way as I did. He thought everything was fine. He acknowledgedd my concerns and we spent a long time iguring things out. Did I forget to mention, that the next evening, we had a little (okay major) little reconnect. He wanted to make sure that I remember and never doubt his commitment to me. That he is not ever giving up on us and he is going to do everything he can to make us the best we can be. I am to trust him and to not let things bottle up, but to talk to him -COMMUNICATE!

 

I love my man. It is hard to remember what it was that I didn't like about him a year ago. Since July, we have been a team. And we are good, no we are great!

Well thanks for reading my rambling. I just had to write this all down.