Expectations Leads to Disappointment

I was thinking to myself about how nice this week was, especially compared to last week when I was sick. It is so nice to have a clear head. Thanks for all the well wishes. Even though it was a great week, there were a couple of major disappointments.

One of the disappointments left my feelings scattered all over the place. I was sad, mad, let down, accepting of the situation, frustrated and  more. I thought that something was a certain way and then I find out that I was wrong. It is nobody's fault in particular. We are all adults that make choices. But every time I think about it, I get like a tightening in my throat and my eyes begin to burn. And then I try to shake it off because crying will not solve anything at all. The situation has to do with friendship, dd and long distance. And it has to do with me and my expectations and what I thought was reality. I wish that I could go into more detail but it really isn't something I can share. I wish that I could because you may be able to give some good advice or share an experience that might help me.

 My second disappointment has been with not being able to really spend some quality time with my husband. Spring time always seems to bring so many more commitments. We are getting home later then usual and trying to feed our kids and get them into bed and we have been falling asleep, exhausted right after. I tried to make some time for us on Tuesday but it didn't work. My husband wasn't happy and then he was really stressed out about work too. Boy that little conversation was something from before. It hurt and it scared me. There was no spanking for me for my attitude though because he knew that he was in the wrong. Then today, I again try to cut out some time for him and it doesn't work outt. His mind is elsewhere and he doesn't think that it is enough time. I think any time that we can spend together and alone is good. We may not have enough time for a spanking and/or sex (which is frustrating for both of us) but geez, it in better than nothing. I don't need another day like this, let alone a week. Yes, it is me he reaches for at night when he is asleep. And it is me he wakes up every morning and shares his thoughts (though I am usually half awake) but it really isn't enough for me. I want more. He gives up too soon.

 So those are my two big disappointments. I thought that I was learning not to let people effect me, not to give someone the power to make me sad or mad and yet that is exactly what I am doing. The feelings of disappointment with my husband bring back feelings from before dd, so that is always worrisome. But the good news, is that he misses me as much as I miss him. Hopefully he will make time for just the two of us. When he makes the plans, that is when it seems to work out.

I decided that I better add to this post a little. Still no free time with husband but it will happen. I could always kidnap him. LOL

But in regards to my friend. She is the very best friend that you could ever have. She is loyal, funny, caring and loving.  So what is wrong then you ask? I am one of those people that wear rose tinted glasses. I think in the same way, she did too. But reality is that I live clear across the country and we may or may not ever come face to face. There are other factors involved that control our destinies. As in every dd relationship, the husbands have a lot of say and control.