"When did you first know that I was submissive" ME
"What? "What are you asking me?" HIM
so I briefly described to him about the post and asked him again
"So when did you first realize that I was submissive?" ME
"I didn't" HIM
"What, what do you mean. It's a simple question. I know when we first met there was no way you would consider me submissive. When was it?" ME
"You are not submissive" HIM
"Yes I am. You even said yourself that dd was working. for us".ME
"You don't like being told what to do. And you don't always do what I say" HIM
we both kind of laughed.
"You are a brat", he says "even when I spank you, you are stubborn".
But,but I am doing what you say. I do all the chores and I try to ask you instead of tell you and, and you said it was working!"
"And it is," he says
Hmmm. Okay for those of you who are reading this post and are as confused by my husband as I am, I am going to try and explain what I think he means.
He is right on all accounts. No one would call me a pussy cat. I am the epitome of a Momma Bear. I am known to be outspoken and opinionated. ( It is a good thing that my husband balances me. )
Before we started DD we were fighting all the time. We probably fought just to fight. Neither one of us would back down. And because of this, I didn't do much around the house, clean or cook dinner. I would spend my time volunteering, driving children around and anything else I could do. He was resentful.
When I first suggested that he leads the house, the entire atmosphere in the house changed. We discussed our roles and what was most important for our family. We made up a list of household chores to be done and I am doing them. And most of the time (Lol) I follow his lead, I always respect him and try my hardest to be submissive.
This weekend was not one of my best. The Momma Bear came out full force and it was directed all at him. I wanted him to do things my way because I thought that it was the right thing to do for my son. When he tried to talk to me about it, I walked away, even refusing to come back to him when he told me to. And when he came into the bedroom, I refused to bend over. And the next day, as our tempers flared again, he reached for my hand and I pulled away and told him not to touch me. This is not something I would want to admit but to be fair to my husband I am. The emotions from the past came out as did the old behaviors. It was ugly. I felt hurt and I am sure that he did too. In the end I came to him and apologized. We talked about what happened and why. We discussed how DD is working for us. That we might have some bumps in the road but we will keep on doing this thing we do.
AND THEN I WAS SPANKED!!!!
Oh my friend... You are a SUPER SUBMITTER.
ReplyDeleteI was going to add that to my blog post that you felt that way. And that nobody better tell you different. Lol
ReplyDeleteSo you're not perfect, you're a work in progress...it's okay, none of the rest of us are perfect either, we're all just works in progress too. I've been thinking about Riley's post too actually, thinking about sharing something on this topic myself tomorrow. ;)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read what you have to say! :)
DeleteAww nice post! I'm thrilled to see you wrote an extended answer! I find it so interesting to hear what others have to say on this topic. It's funny, you and I seem to be opposites. When Cael told me he had perceived me as submissive from the moment we met, I was all "Wait? But how? I don't seem submissive!" Meanwhile you're telling your husband "You don't think I'm submissive? Yes I am!" Yet, I think both of us are submissive at least to some degree!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Well Blondie, you are trying. I think we all go through these times of push and pull where it's very obvious that we are NOT submissive, but then we admit our error, get that spanking and try again. You're heart is clearly in the right place!
ReplyDeleteI think submission is always a choice. For some, who may be naturally submissive, perhaps the struggle is not always as difficult, but it is still a choice.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to your struggle here Blondie. Henry and I had many struggles regarding parenting our children-preDD more so. But we still have them.
Everything you say here, seems to indicate that this is a bit issue for you both too. Giving H the final say on things has helped a great deal, but different parenting styles and opinions are what we argue about the most.
It takes a lot of discussion to figure it all out. I *will* say, that our family life is much more blissful, now that H has that 1% more voting power. We now realize that these power struggles were never good for our kids.
Now, I may not always get my way, but the benefit is that H and I present as a team, and the kids no longer get mixed messages or have to take sides. Now we all show respect for H.
We talk a lot about how we will handle things with them. And H often tells me exactly how I *will* handle certain things. (I'm a bit of a pushover at times) It's on going.(sighs)
Sorry about your spanking, as it wasn't the fun kind. I hope you can both figure out what went wrong, and how you can get to a better place for your family. :-)
Riley started an interesting post there, didn't she? I need to ask my husband what he thinks. I have a feeling our conversation would be VERY similar to yours.... :)
ReplyDeleteRob says I'm submissive in action but not in word. You know me well enough to probably get that ;-). I'm working on it.
ReplyDeleteLaurie