Explaining

I was sitting at church on Sunday, looking around at all the people attending service with me. So many great couples and families. I began to wonder, are there any couples here who practice DD? I thought, how would I explain DD to them or why DD is part of our lives? The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. Why are we doing this? I am not a child, I am forty-five years old. We have been together for twenty-five, so it's not like he knows more than me. I am responsible for my family and I am doing well at raising our children. So why am I letting someone else treat me like a child? By the time I got home, I was really in a tizzy.

I texted one of my DD friends and told her how I was feeling. She immediately told me to talk to B (my husband). She reminded me how he always listens to what I have to say. B is open minded and loving. We are a team. First though,I felt as is I needed to be sure of what I wanted before I spoke to him. Yet, as soon as I saw him, I asked if we could talk. Funny, but the first thing he said was "uh oh, what did I do?"

I told him about church and how I was feeling. And he listened. He asked questions verifying how I was feeling. And he cared how I felt.

I could end this post right here, by stating that a year ago B would not have had time or patience to listen to me about my feelings. This is what DD has done for our relationship.

Unfortunately, that wasn't what was bothering me. It was more or less being treated like a child, being punished like a child (even though we don't spank our children) and giving up my right to make final decisions.

B reminded me that this isn't really how we practice DD

We are partners. He treats me with more respect then ever before. B listens to my opinions, backs me up in front of the kids, doesn't question me at every turn and he trusts me.

B is a natural dominant and I am good at being submissive. We have been this way in our bedroom for years. Spankings in the bedroom is erotic not for punishment. But that is different than being D/s outside of the bedroom. It is not as easy for me to be submissive. The main reason being that we have had a relationship where we both fought to be right all of the time. We didn't listen to each other we just always tried to win - to prove to the other who was right and who was wrong. And that turned our marriage and our home into a battlezone. But old habits are hard to break. I have always felt the need to rule the Kingdom.

B reminded me of some things I had not thought about;

By agreeing to be submissive to B, I have allowed him to grow and be the husband and father that he always was but wasn't being.

By listening to B, he now listens to me

By being respectful to B, he is respectful to me

By knowing that he has the final say, I am no longer stressed out about making a major mistake.

What rules do we have? Pretty much whatever falls under the 4 D's. Dishonest, disobedient, disdisrespect and dangerous are the 4 D's I am referring to. When we were trying to figure out rules for ourselves, we found that most rules were we read about were no brainers. 95% of the rules were just common sense, considerate or maybe being mature. I don't know.

What do I get in trouble for the most? The way I speak to him. I am getting better but like I said, old habits are hard to break. I am used to defending myself immediately without thinking. I am used to growling at B whenever I want a moment to myself. And my worst bad habit is yelling at him when I am mad at the kids or someone else. I don't like when I do act this way and I always feel like patting myself on the back when I stop and think before I am disrespectful to B.

I don't lie to B. He is my best friend. He knows everything there is to know about me and visa versa. We know each other's pasts, our dreams, our mistakes, our disappointments and our joys. Things that I use to hide from him seem so silly now. When I tell him things, he is able to work with me and we can be a team. Like I tell my children, if you are doing something you wouldn't want your mom to know, then you shouldn't be doing it. And that is how I feel towards my husband, if I am doing something I don't want him to know about then I probably shouldn't be doing it.

Dangerous? Well, that is one I have trouble even thinking up examples for. I don't drink, smoke, drive fast, or play with matches. I am responsible for our five children so I feel like I am always in teaching mode and whatever I do they will see. And try to convince a child, especially a teen, to do as I say not as I do is pretty much impossible. My children imitate me, good and bad. Oh, thought of one, I use to not always be so good at calling in refills for my presciptions. That is not good. Did get spanked once for that but now I am great at it, early even.

Disobedient. This is probably where the all the hoopla started me thinking about DD. I don't want him to tell me what time to get up in the morning, how long I can be on the computer or who to be friends with. I am a mature adult. I am responsible and I have been taking care of myself and my children for a long time. So if B gives me rules that I disagree with and don't follow, does that mean I am disobedient? YES. Has B given me any rules I can't live by? NO. So I guess that isn't an issue.

There is another D for me. No, not Distancing. It is Discipline. Through the years of being pregnant, raising small children, fighting depression and just doing the minimum, I have lacked the discipline to be the best that I can be. We came up with a weekly schedule for household chores, I plan meals weekly, and I am learning to make the most of my waking hours. When I don't finish the chores for the day or have dinner ready, I will get spanked. Period. Okay, I guess there is a but (not butt). If I have a really good reason for not doing the work and B agrees then I don't get in trouble.

  

DD has softened our hearts. Now we are back to being what we should have always been. A great and loving team. Husband and Wife. Father and Mother. Best Friends. Lovers.

Have I figured out how to explain this thing we do? No. Do I need to explain it? No. This is us. There is no need to explain to anyone why or how.