She is leaving in two weeks, fourteen days. My daughter, this young lady that I love and adore. And now my emotions are all over the place. Right now, I guess what I am most upset about is the time she is choosing to spend with her boyfriend (the one that the entire family doesn't like) instead of hanging out with me like we usually do. There is such a short amount of time before she flies away.
Ty thinks that maybe she is just avoiding dealing with all the things that need to get done before she leaves. But that just stresses me out because there is no way that I can do her packing by myself. And I shouldn't have to. She needs to be here.
This boyfriend, who we all wish would just leave her be, he is just so clingy and dependent on her. He is making the leaving so much harder than it has to be. It is almost like he sabotages her. She has this big heart and she is afraid that if he gets too upset that he might hurt himself. This is bogus. Seriously, he lives at home still with his family, he acts like he is still in high school when, in fact, he graduated two years before my daughter. He still does what he is told to do, his mom still does his laundry and cleans his room. Aghh. But this is where she is choosing to be. His family adores her and they are smothering her too, wanting to be around her and making her feel bad about leaving the boyfriend. 
I already miss my daughter. Seriously, having four sons is not the same as having my daughter. I think that because we were the only girls that we formed a kind of bond where we understood what the other was thinking. And because she didn't go to a regular high school, we were together a lot. The only thing that we have fought about is her boyfriend. God, I don't like him. She isn't even gone and I miss her. She won't be home for Thanksgiving, England doesn't share the United States' celebration, crazy..... So it is Christmas when I will see her next.
All the little things we did together, never even thinking that the activities were anything special, I will miss those. Just chatting with her, going to church, shopping, laughing, working out, getting pedicures and enjoying Starbucks and Jamba Juice.
The worst part about my emotions is that some of them are just plain immature. And I am jealous of the time she spends with him instead of here where we can do the last minute things and some of the normal things.
She went through a real rough/horrible time about eight years ago. I was the one (willingly and lovingly) that went through all of this. Taking her to doctors, counseling, having her yelling at me because I was the safe one, all of the things that we have gone through, some more than once, all of the things that have made her who she is today - I was the one who went through all of the shit with her. I am the one who still comforts her and encourages her. I am the one who still does all the counseling stuff with her. I am still the one she attacks (verbally) even when it is not me she is angry at, I am the one who is so proud of who she is today, and I am the one who loves her unconditionally. And I am the one who is missing her already. I am the one who has to let her go and be strong, again, encouraging her and letting her know how proud I am of her. Inside my heart breaks but I do know what is the right thing to do. And I would do all of this all over again in a heart beat if she needed me to. She has turned in to such a wonderful person, beautiful person inside and out. 
And he is the one who is enjoying her company. Ty tells me that I need to let her do what she wants. And I know that but it doesn't make me feel any better. I want her around the last couple of weeks. I want to make these last days full of great memories. And why, those two weeks aren't going to change any memories that matter.
But that girl needs to get her booty home and get herself packed up and ready to go. And I need to stop crying.
And those of you, who reached out in such a caring way, thank you for letting me know that if there is ever an emergency, that I can reach out. I know she will be fine but it makes me feel a little better. We are still trying to work on rain gear but it will all work out.
I am sorry Blondie, that sounds like a really hard situation/last few weeks with her here. And of course you want to enjoy more time with her, that is normal, and I agree with Ty, sounds like she is choosing the easier place to be right now than dealing with packing!
ReplyDeleteBut its her life, her stuff. She will come around, and just try and enjoy your time with her. Plus, she is moving across the ocean, but even that is not out of this world!
Sending you a big hug though, and will cuddle my girls a little closer tonight thinking of you.
Hug, Julia
Thank you. I always appreciate your support
DeleteHi Blondie, life is hard! Who knows what she is thinking. When she packs make sure there is plenty of wet weather and warm stuff. England in the Autumn is cold and wet no matter where she is. Let me know how near she is to me and if she needs anything please call me
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
Packed three jackets (waterproof) and lots of warm sweaters, shirts, pjs. etc. She is in northern England, Scotland right now and is already cold. Lol
DeleteI don't want to ever think about letting go of my girls, so I know why you feel this way and want it to be so different.
ReplyDeleteWe're a small Isle, she'd not be alone out here, because if you need us, we Brit bloggers can be here for her too, but I'm sure she'll meet great people and perhaps start to judge her boyfriend in a different light.
hugs
DF
From your words to God's ears. And I am counting on my Brit blogger friends to help keep me sane
DeleteYou have prepared her well for this big step....it is you who is not prepared...and honestly having gone through it, I don't think there is a way for a mom to prepare herself. She and you will survive......hugs...abby
ReplyDeleteYou promise? I am not sure that there is a good way to deal with your daughter heading off to college on a different continent. Within two hours of our house there are two universities, five state colleges, seven community colleges, and about five private colleges...........
DeleteOh Blondie, I feel for you. As abby said you have prepared her for this step, now you have to let go and know she will do amazingly well. Not only that but she will get done everything that needs to be done. The boyfriend will be many many miles away, think about that. Don't make her feel guilty the last couple of weeks she'll be home - smile and be proud. (I know easier said than done, but it's happened to all of us, one way or another)
ReplyDeleteYou are right, about everything. I am trying, promise
DeleteThere are no emotions that are wrong in all of this...it sounds like you are feeling and then deciding what you're going to do with those emotions and are doing your best to do the right thing, that's all you can do. You can't think yourself out of those emotions, you can just feel them. Maybe you can tell her you're so happy for her, but so sad for yourself since you will miss her so much. As far as the boyfriend goes, maybe she is already thinking she won't see him again (although maybe not admitting it to herself) and is trying to store up the memories with him because she knows that you have been and will be a constant in her life even after the move and he won't. I am sure your closeness will be back gang busters very soon! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, I know it. I just need to hear it till I really believe it.
DeleteI didn't have it quite the same, my daughter was less than an hour away - but she was our last and the house was empty without her. When I went to college my mom wrote me every day - yep EVERY day. I told Mollie I wasn't that good a mother, but I did email her every morning. Nothing that had to be answered, just a good morning. I hope you have a great day, Dad and I ate out last night, missed you… just little homey things. She really liked it although she never said much until she graduated, then she told me she really like the non-cliny, non-demanding daily contact.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be okay - you both will, I promise.
I am holding to your promise and I know that your advice is spot on. Thanks for the good words
DeleteYour love for your daughter is as perfect as a mother's love should be. I love this post, although I am sorry there are some rough patches to be felt. You are one great mama!
ReplyDeleteYou are so kind. Thank you for being so supportive
DeleteHey Blondie! Sounds like you and your daughter have had and will always have a really close and wonderful relationship. When kids move away from home for the first time, often they start to separate early (much to the horror of his/her parents!) because it's much easier to leave if that loving, tearful closeness is not in full force. It may not even be a conscious decision but one based more on emotional survival. Boyfriends come and go - don't sweat that one unless she starts changing her goals and dreams based on him. Time in another country will remind her of all of the special people (Mom is no doubt on the top of that list!) and she'll come back at Christmas with a worldly outlook of life, love, family and relationships. It's tough now but hold tight and try not to get wrapped up in the little things. Keep true to your supportive and loving nature. She'll be back. Amy
ReplyDeleteNo truer words have been said. They say that that is why there is a senior year in high school, so that there is that time of separation. But we didn't go through anything like that.
DeleteHey Blondie! Sounds like you and your daughter have had and will always have a really close and wonderful relationship. When kids move away from home for the first time, often they start to separate early (much to the horror of his/her parents!) because it's much easier to leave if that loving, tearful closeness is not in full force. It may not even be a conscious decision but one based more on emotional survival. Boyfriends come and go - don't sweat that one unless she starts changing her goals and dreams based on him. Time in another country will remind her of all of the special people (Mom is no doubt on the top of that list!) and she'll come back at Christmas with a worldly outlook of life, love, family and relationships. It's tough now but hold tight and try not to get wrapped up in the little things. Keep true to your supportive and loving nature. She'll be back. Amy
ReplyDeleteThanks
DeleteHi Blondie, I agree with everyone else. Letting go is hard but you have prepared her. Of course you want to spend the remaining time with her.
ReplyDeleteHuge (((hugs)))
Roz
Thanks Roz, you are right, all the advice has been great
DeleteHi Blondie, :) I'm sorry that things are all topsy turvy with your daughter, prior to her heading to her semester in England! I am thinking that soon she will realize that she has to get organized, and things will come together for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is a hard one when our kids go off like your daughter is doing. It is also so very wonderful! You know that you have raised a wonderful young lady, and she is about to go off and have an amazing adventure, that will open up her perspective of the world, and be life changing in many ways! I agree with others about the boyfriend. Once she gets out there in the world, she may well move on to other things in that realm. I'm excited for her.
When my older daughter was in college, she spent a semester in London! I remember when Rob and I took her to the airport, and as she went to go into the line that led to security check, Rob was ready to go. We had said our goodbyes. Rob tells the story that he said to me, "Time to go" and he said that my head turned around to him so fast (if it could have spun round all the way, like a scene from a horror movie, it would have- he always laughs) and I proclaimed "not yet!!!!". LOL! I watched her go through until I could not see her any more. We love, we worry, we cheer them on and cheer them up. That's us moms!
Your daughter will have an amazing time, and she will be in touch with you all along the way. Ours was that way. She came back more grown up, more worldly, more self assured, more independent, and so much more. She also had tons of photos and stories to share of her European adventures. Your daughter will too. I did just fine through it all- even with all of my mother worries. I'm thinking that you will too. ;) Now our daughter lives away. I miss her, but I also know that she is living her life. I talk to her all the time. And she still calls me when ever she needs to hear this mom's voice. I hope that she always does. So they may fly, but we have them with us too. Thinking of you! Love and hugs,
<3 Katie
What happened at the airport with you, happened with me when I dropped my son off at the airport as he flew off to Nicaragua. And then I also stuck around to watch the plane take off. That was only six weeks ago. Lol
DeleteI am praying that you are right. I want my daughter back
Oh my sweet friend...you know what? You are her safe haven. No matter what crap she throws at you, she knows you will be there. Knowing this jerk-wad of a boyfriend as I have come to know over the past few years ( should have taken me up on putting a hit on him when he was away last year,....just sayin'), she is with him right now because she doesn't get that security and peace of mind from him. She knows you will never leave, and never waiver in your support. She doesn't have that feeling with him~ nor should she!
ReplyDeleteWhen I left for university, I was the last one out of 5 to go, I was so excited about my new adventure and being on my own. I didn't realize the emotional toil it was on my Mom. My Dad pulled me aside in my dorm room and said, ' Can you pretend to be just a little upset for your Mother's sake?". Some day she will come to realize the most amazing friendship you two have forged~ most likely within a few hours of touching down in England, but honestly we never truly understand a Mother's heartache and sacrifice until we become one ourselves.
You know kids her age, they are 'sprinters not long distance runners". She'll pack right before she goes. You are right you can't do it for her. From here on out she has to be responsible for her actions or inactions. And honestly so what if she forgets her favourite shirt or deodorant? In the long run it won't matter.
As difficult as this is going to be, remember that YOU are the one she is most comfortable with, therefore you get the brunt of everything. Such an odd 'compliment' isn't it? LOL..
Much love
willie
Thank you. I know that I have shared some of this with you (by now). And that is a very odd compliment....
DeleteHi Blondie,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I have not been around much lately. My heart feels for you. I understand how difficult this transition must be. You have been her guiding light and she is going to soar and while you are going to miss her dearly, I know you will find ways to reach out to each other and keep the strong connection you have together as mother and daughter. Sending you love and hugs and a shoulder to cry on if you need it...or a friend to laugh with...
I will be taking you up on the shoulder. I hope that she has so much fun on her adventure that she doesn't get home sick. It's those of us who are still here that will miss her more.
Delete