My Part of the Story

I have a guest blogger today.

If you read my story about my friend Sarah, you might remember a couple I spoke about. I called them Jack and Jill.

Hey give me a break, so what if I am not too creative. Lol
Jill wanted to share her story and I hope that you will all take the time to read it. This is something we can all learn from



I would like first of all to let everyone know that I have never written a blog post before, so please bare with me while I try to keep my thoughts together and in order. This is actually a continuation to the story that Blondie recently wrote about on her blog entitled "Friends or Fakes." I will say that this is a very hard thing to do so I hope you all will be patient as I muttle through this.
I joined a domestic discipline network in January of 2012 in hopes of finding people that I could share stories with that chose to live the same lifestyle that my husband and I have chose. It is hard to explain things to others who do not fully understand this life choose we have made. For the first month I would sign on and stay in the background and just watch and see how people interact with others. I by nature do not trust people very easily. However toward the end of January I started chatting with some of the more regular members and mentioned I had a doctors appointment. Blondie and Sarah both seemed to support me through that and asked that I keep them posted. Well at my appointment I found out that I had cervical cancer for the third time, and had developed Type II diabetes and would be put on insulin. Needless to say I was a very unhappy person. I continued to speak to Blondie and Sarah (although mostly Sarah as she seemed to be around more at the time) about the upcoming surgery and Sarah even connected her husband with mine. I will not go into all details concerning my health, but will say that from February to April I had 5 major surgeries, was in 2 diabetic comas, and was in 2 medically induced comas. Needless to say I was in and out of the hospital alot. Sarah, her husband, my husband and I became very close. There were times when doctors really did not think I was going to make it, and Sarah's husband would spend 5 to 6 hours at a time on the network with him helping him through decisions. Just supporting him. In turn Sarah was in the hospital and when she needed someone to speak with even as I lay in a coma my husband would speak with Sarah and calm her down. We were there for each other. We supported each other in ways most friends never get to. These two earned our complete trust and respect.
In April we received a message from Sarah's husband saying he needed to chat with my husband. When my husband signed on he told him that him and Sarah needed a break from blogs, and from the site. However, they both wanted to stay in touch with us. My husband gave him our personal email address. Within minutes of that chat their membership was cancelled. Within an hour I had an email from Sarah with her new email address. I asked her husband many times if they needed a break from the site why he chose to continue our friendship. He told me repeatedly that we were friends and that they would NEVER walk away from our friendship. It took a month or so but I finally believed they would always be there. In May we cancelled our membership from the site due to medical reasons. Also in May I found out that they had even stopped all communication with Blondie and there were even a few emails sent to my husband from Sarah's husband stating he did not know why she felt she needed to continue to contact Sarah. He stated Sarah was not responding to nor reading any of the emails. I again asked why was he continuing our friendship. He again told me friends stick together through the good times and bad times. See our friendship had grown based on trust. It had also turned into a friendship where if I so much as questioned a decision he made he would suggest to my husband that I be punished a certain way. My husband out of respect for him would follow through. After all someone that does not care about you or your wife would not spend countless hours comforting you and helping through difficult times. This man would also follow through on punishments that my husband would recommend.
In June I rejoined the network. I needed someone else to speak with. This man was increasing the severity of the punishments and since I could not discuss it with Sarah I turned to the network. Blondie, and another friend was there for me. They both encouraged me to talk to my husband and explain that this relationship was not healthy. I did not feel that I should talk to my husband after all this man would not suggest anything he did not feel was deserved. It was also in June when I was put back in the hosptial for yet another complication with sugar levels. During this time I became very irrate and defiant toward nurses, doctors, and my husband. This man was sending email after email telling my husband what to do to get me under control. My husband told him he needed to find out my sugar levels first as they play a part in behavior. A few minutes later I was in another diabetic coma. Again this man supported my husband through this difficult time. When I came out of the coma I mentioned to my husband how I felt the friendship with them was going. I did not want to walk away from Sarah. I promised I never would. I do not break promises. I decided to leave things alone and I would just try to not upset her husband and punishments would die down. That plan did not go well. The severity of punishments continued to grow. I talked to my husband again and we decided we would talk to them. We did not want to lose the friendship just maybe change the dynamic some. After we sent an email the next and last email we recieved from them stated - "Sorry have not been able to email this weekend. Work is crazy busy and Sarah is very sick. Will email more in an hour." We NEVER heard from them again. To say I was devasted is an under statement.
I became angry at them, and at my husband. I became angry with my husband because he should not have allowed this to happen. He is suppose to be my protector. He did not protect me from this. I did not stop to think about the trust and respect this man earned from my husband. This man took advantage of a bad time that we were going through and manipulated the situation for him. My husband has apologized and made amends for this decision. My husband loves me, cherishes me, and adores me more than anything in this world. I could not ask for a better husband.
I still had alot of unanswered questions. Why would they do this? Do they know how bad they are hurting people? First Blondie and now me? How could you treat someone like this? I wanted to know who they were. I spoke to a few people and one of them gave some very valuable information, and we began to look into who these two were. I know now for the most part who they are. I have come to understand that piece of information means nothing. It did not help the hurt, and it did not help the feeling of betrayal. Nothing fixes that but time, supportive friends, and most importantly prayer with God. Although I know that there will be times that are hard I also know that I have a great group of supporters. It will be a long road before I can fully trust anyone to the extent that I trusted these two people. However I do know that there are some "Real friends" out there. I even have a new "real" friend that has been a great support.
Thank you to all of you that supported me through this bump in the road. I know I asked alot of questions some more than one time. None of you even remotely got frustrated or short with me. That is a sign of a true real friends. Although I know there will be times that I fall. I know I have real friends to pick me back up.
I would like to say one more thing. Please take this story and use it to help protect yourself from these dangers. I use to blame myself and say "How could I be so stupid? These are the things I warn my kids of, how could it happen to me? The truth is there are people out there that know how to gain trust and will manipulate the situation for self gratification. I would also like to say though that I have found more genuienly caring people than I have people like these two. Thank you to all of Blondie's readers for allowing me to share my story