My Adoption Story...

Do you recall my post about this symbol and what it means? It is the adoption symbol. Each line of the triangle represents part of the adoption family. The birth mom, the adopting parents, and the adoptee (me). A while back I had this symbol tattooed on my leg, close to my ankle. Never have I regretted it.
Now I would like to share my adoption story.

Late fall, 1966, my parents received a call from the hospital. They were told  that there was a young teen who was looking to place her baby up for adoption. Since my parents had already adopted once, the hospital wanted to know if they were interested in doing so again. The girl's family wanted all the adoption legal stuff worked out before she delivered.  My parents already had both a boy and a girl, so they didn't care what the sex was of the new baby. My parents had adopted my brother because my mom was having a difficult time getting pregnant and when she did get pregnant, she miscarried. What a surprise for my parents that eight months after adopting my brother, my mother gave birth to my sister. Then a couple of years later, still having trouble having another child, they were given this opportunity to adopt again. Ironically, 13 months later, my little sister was born.

The other half of the story is about the biological mom (Barbara). Girl meets boy, falls in love, and finds herself pregnant and scared. She told the boy and his family. Before anyone could make decisions, the mom takes her young daughter away to deliver the baby in a different town. The young girl turned 16 in August.

December of 1966, the young mother goes into labor. My parents are called and they rush to the hospital, excited about their new baby's arrival. After I was born, I was immediately taken away, and the birth mother never saw me. Barbara and her mom took the rest of the family and moved far away. Barbara started her life over again.

I always knew I was adopted. It was not a secret, just a fact. I didn't feel different then my siblings, probably because my parents never made a big deal out of it. It probably also helped that my brother was adopted. There were times, when I was really young that I worried that some stranger would come and take me away because they were my birth parents. And there were times when I would look closely at other women and wonder if they could be my bio mom. Then I decided that I wanted to meet my bio mom. My mom wanted me to wait till I was at least 18, she was worried about me being mature enough that I could handle rejection.

When I was ready, my mom helped me and we searched for my birth mom. My mother used every resource she had. There seemed to be one dead end after another. It came too a point that we figured that she just didn't want to be found. So my mom and I decided that maybe it wasn't meant to be. In my thirties, I was pretty busy being pregnant and raising a young family that I really didn't think about my search. Life was so chaotic that I couldn't even think about anything but the here and now.
I got a Face Book account because my kids had them and our church was posting picture on the youth group FB account. I could follow my kids and keep track of what they were doing. I have never been an active face booker. If you are following me, you will be surprised to see me ever post. Ty loves FB. He gets to keep in touch with faraway relatives.
Ty was working on his ancestry (ancestry.com) when he asked me what my bio mom's name was/is. I went back to my files and pulled out all the information I had. There wasn't much we could do on his account with only one name. I was already on FB so I just typed in her name and unbelievably a woman with that name popped up. What a fricken shock. This woman looked so much like me. Ty was surprised too but told me not to get too excited. Then when my oldest got home, I showed him the picture and now she had also listed her place of birth, which happened to match my information.
I am not known for my patience or my ability to stop and think before acting. So that night, I sent her a message:

July 27, 2010

My name is XXXXX. I was born December XX, 1966. Does this date mean anything to you? The information I have about you and the picture of you really leads me to believe that we are related.

I don't want anything from you. Please don't worry, I am not going to disturb you and your life. But could you please confirm that you are my biological mother so then I can stop wondering about it.

I guess the only other thing that would be really helpful is any medical history that you might have. It really stinks to not know this information, especially now when I have children of my own. Thanks

One more thing, if you would rather email me, my email address is emailaddress.com.

 

July 28, 2010

Hi          I am sorry it has taken me a few day's to get back to you and for any stress my delay might have caused. I am a bit puzzled by your messages. What brought you to me?
You can email me at ----------@gmail.com

*I sent her all of the information I had about her and my adoption. And then I waited

Dear        

This is a difficult letter to begin. Only because even though I have thought of this day many times I still do not know the right words. From all the information you have I am sure I am who you are looking for. I do not know how much or how little you want to know.

So I will begin with just a few words. I have always thought of you and prayed that you were loved beyond reason. For many years I stared at babies and little blond girls...always wondering.....

 

There was more to this letter but I will just keep that part to myself. Sorry.  Barbara offered me any and all medical information and anything else I needed. The only problem was that she has/had never told anyone about her pregnancy. Her mother and her best friend were the only ones who knew and her mother had already passed away. Her husband of 35+ years, her daughters, siblings, nobody knew. My family knows it all. My mom has been really supportive of my finding and conversing with Barbara. As is my dad and siblings. Though my mom is always concerned that Barbara might hurt me in some way and she is always asking me how I am doing.

 

So we have emailed each other since then. She has sent pictures, medical history, bio father's name, and all the kind of stuff. And I have sent her pictures and stories about growing up. We have shared things about what life is like now and it has been really special for me to have this opportunity. Her husband passed away about  a year and a half ago. He was young but they had a great marriage. Two daughters and three grandchildren. She lives about ten hours north of me.

 

I have really been satisfied with our relationship. Emailing back and forth and looking at her Facebook has given me an opportunity to get to know her. And she checks out Ty's and my Facebook too. I always wonder that if we were to meet, how would she fit into my life. She is not my mother and I don't know if we could be considered friends, but I guess that really doesn't matter.

 

Because..... this Saturday, Barbara is coming to town. Ty and I are having lunch with Barbara and her best friend. Truthfully, I still kind of expect her to bail on this lunch. I would say that she has more anxiety about this than I do. We have already gotten over the "get to know you" part by emailing. And now it is just seeing each other in person and hopefully having a real nice and fun lunch.

 

I can't believe that this is really happening. So many thoughts are going through my head. This whole thing has been more than I ever expected. When I got clarification that she was my bio-mom, I saw her picture, and I received all of my medical background, I had what I really wanted. Everything else has been icing on the cake. And now that we are having lunch together, it is like I have the cake, with frosting, and now even roses on top.

 

 

 

 Am I nervous, definitely......  When I get stressed I get a little emotional. I snap at the kids, cry over nothing, growl at Ty, and fret about everything. You probably know where that gets me.
Yep, my bottom will be so sore by Saturday that I will be so focused on my bum that I won't even worried about being nervous....