Kinky Sex and the Church XXX

I have trying to figure some things out lately. This is something that only I can decide what is right for me and what I believe.

I was not brought up as a Christian (or with any other religion) but Ty was. As a youngster, he was very involved in his church, even went to parochial schools. I never really realized that there was an entire culture of people who believe in some kind of higher being. Ty, as he became an adult, stepped away from the church but always kept his relationship with God. I was very curious about Ty's beliefs and I began to ask a lot of questions and read a lot of information.

It wasn't that easy for me to just have faith or believe in something I couldn't see, touch, feel or have a conversation with. It took me a very long time to see things and to finally believe and have faith. And since then, my life has changed. I have witnessed Jesus and the power of prayer. I have also felt anger towards God, felt abandoned, questioned his existence and began to think that maybe God doesn't exist. Looking back, I see things more clearer and my faith has grown.

My older children are beginning to question God's existence and religion. They attempt to try and argue things with me that are in the Bible. I cannot force them to have faith or to believe just because I do. I am glad that they believe enough in themselves to learn and make their own decisions. You really can't tell a twenty year old that this is the way it is and don't question why.

So why am I telling you this whole story? Well because Ty was explaining why he didn't want to go to church. He belived in God, he loved the people in our church and was friends with many of them. So why? He said that he felt like a hypocrite;  kink and Christianity do not go together. I went to church without him. Throughout the entire sermon, I thought about his comment. I was really torn.

Let me clarify, when I say kink, I am not talking about DD or CDD or Taken in Hand relationships. It's the erotic part of our sex life I am talking about. The spankings, the bondage the role play, etc. Is there in place for Kink in the Christian religion?

In our church, our Pastor has preached about sexuality - the benefits, the reasons, how it is good, etc. But there has never been any talk about kink in the bedroom. Hmmmm, I wonder if he or his wife have ever read 50 Shades. I am not going to discuss my sex life with anyone (except blogland). I never have and I never will. When other ladies are laughing, comparing, explaining, complimenting or complaining, I never say a word. Sex was the most intimate thing in our lives. It was the one thing that only Ty and I shared together. We can kiss, hug, sleep with, share our troubles, etc.. with other people. But sex is ours. We are two consenting adults, married and we not only love each other but we trust each other.

I came home from church and immediately googled  KINK RELIGION. It surprised me that the number of articles that I found were all pro kink. I kept googling, trying to find any article that clearly states that kink is a pagan things and is unreligious. I even went to specific Christian blogs that were very conservative.

These are two articles that I found that were the most helpful and informative.

 http://www.alternet.org/story/144477/christian_kink%3A_why_traditional_religion_and_non-traditional_sex_are_a_good_match

What really answered some of my concerns and questions, from the above website, is this part of the article. I hope that you read the entire article but this is what I felt was most meaningful.

Body, Mind and Spirit
There are certainly plenty of aspects of sacredness and spirituality that are present in BDSM activities. A fantastic example of that is the aspect of service. In most religions, adherents are taught that to submit to their deity and be of service to them (or to the world in general) is one of the highest forms of faith. So for a submissive or slave to offer themselves to a dominant, and to serve the dominant’s needs and desires, can fulfill the same need to serve that missionaries, ministers, and others who follow a religious calling experience. There is a deep sense of satisfaction at the core of service, for those who do it for religious reasons as well as within relationships; many people continue to offer service simply because of the feeling of rightness that they experience as they do it—regardless of the context in which they serve.

A number of religious traditions also involve enduring trials and overcoming ordeals in order to experience a sense of transcendence or to gain self awareness through the loss of external control. From the self-flagellation of Catholic monks, to sweat lodge and vision quest rituals of the native Americans, to the physical trials of yogis, to the routine fasting in a number of religious traditions, undergoing and enduring painful or challenging situations has long been regarded as a path to transformation and communion with one’s higher power. When compared with the experience of “sub space” that many people experience during a S/M scene, or the sense of dissociation from an intense bondage or mummification experience, it makes perfect sense that people may use a BDSM context for exploring these deep unknowns in life, and using them as ways to alter their perspective of a situation, or even of their lives.

http://embracingtherisk.blogspot.com/2006/09/should-christian-couples-embrace-kinky.html

This is another article that I hope you to take the time to read. Some ideas that really caught my attention were:

“It’s hard,” he continues, “to make the transition from ‘sex is bad’ when you are young and single to ‘sex is good’ when you are married.” In fact, “sex is the most wonderful gift God ever gave Christians.”
It’s a simple one: Sex is good. Good sex makes people happy. It deepens relationships. So it helps marriages last and that pleases God and makes society better.

“Christians should be having great sex lives! We should be having better sex than anybody else! So drop your inhibitions at the door of your own house,”
and one that made me laugh:
“Why can women be multiorgasmic and men not? Well, I’ve decided God just likes you better! ... What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Doberman? Lipstick.

After reading these two articles plus many more, have I reconciled the church and kink. I still don't have all the answers and I am still contemplating.
What really matters to Ty and me, is that this is our bedroom, our lifestyle and it is not hurting anyone. We are not doing anything illegal, anything that would harm our children (though if they catch us, they may have nightmares) and we really are not doing anything that contradicts what Jesus says.
As a Chrstian, I follow the teaching of Jesus Christ, not of his disciples or what others say is right or wrong.

Jesus is recorded as having made only four direct comments that might be interpreted as relating to sexual behavior.
 And not one of his comments said anything about kinky sex. Sex is good