How do you practice domestic discipline when there are two spankos involved?
We have complained about kids, time and life getting in the way of spankings for punishment. But truth be told, it's the spankings that are not doing the trick.
Now don't be writing a letter to Ty or anything like that to give him suggestions. And what I am about to say, I think he has already figured it out.
I have a list of things that I must have complete everyday. It is my job and it is pretty basic as long as I don't get distracted. And besides from being a little sassy and not respectful, not finishing my chores is what gets me into the most trouble. For some unknown reason, I always seem to not be able to do everything on my list. I would wait and see if he would notice. And when he did, I knew that I was going to get spanked. Thus the problem.
We really have benefited from living this new lifestyle. I usually describe it as he has 51% and I have 49%. What I don't share with my friends, where I live, is that he also makes rules, defines the punishment when rules are broken and I submit to him. That is really nobody's business. And most people know that I always ask my husband before I commit to anything. And if I call him a hoh, well so what, that is what he is: the head of the household. Calling him Sir in public or in front of the kids is kind of something we try to avoid. But if we are overheard. I will kind of make a joke about it like, "Yes Sir, Your Highness" and maybe even give him a salute. 
So where was I? Oh yeah, what can we do to make sure that I follow all the rules? Because spankings are not much of a deterrent. Even when we tried to define the different kinds of spanking, for example when it was a punishment, I would make my brain wrap around the fact that I am in trouble because I did something wrong. Ty would try to spank different, like harder and no warm-up or something. But no matter what, it left us both on edge and wanting more. So, one may suggest that he doesn't spank me when I am in trouble which might work. Well it would probably not make me very happy. But Ty is even more of a spanko than I am. He would be more tense and on edge and unhappy than probably I would be. So good thought, but probably won't work for us. He loves to spank too much.
Ty and I discussed this the other day. What kind of punishment can he give me that would work as a deterrent? He decided that it would have to be something I would hate. Grounding me from the computer or from reading books would really make me mad, so maybe that would be the ultimate punishment. But Ty really likes the information I find on the Internet and from reading erotic novels. He loves how I am willing to try new things that I just found out. Always improving the sex life.We finally found something that will probably work. Ty is still trying to figure out more things but for now, this is it.
He makes me sit, bare bottomed, on this doormat.
It looks kind of like this:
and it is made of this coarse, very scratchy material like this:
As soon as I see him pick up the mat, I start apologizing. Begging him to not have me do this. And he very (smugly) makes me sit on it, with my hands on my head.
It doesn't take long before I start begging him to get up. But he just sits there and lectures me. Sometimes he will go off and do something else. But I can barely last five minutes.
So if anyone can think of something else that might work, whisper it to me.
Ty is already a little bit of a masochist so I don't want to give him much time to think.
Ooh, we have a doormat like that. I would hate to sit on it with a bare butt! I can see how that would be very effective.
ReplyDeleteDon't be foolish like me and suggest something like it to your husband. We (I) bought it last year and occasionally used it for sitting on after a spanking. But not for very long. It made the spanking feeling last longer. It is very, very effective. Dang it!
DeleteMhh, I have never heard of anyone doing that, a doormat, but (since I am not sitting on it) sounds like it is kind of working for you both. Well at least for him.
ReplyDeleteI often want more spankings too though, sometimes DH will be like, Phew that was something, and I am like, it is over? So I am glad we don't have too many punishments going on, cause I am not sure if the point would come across....lol. At least at the moment. :)
Julia, I understand about not feeling like I have had enough spankings. If I don't feel like I have repented then the spanking feels useless. That is for a major thing that I did wrong, like running out of gas on the freeway not for forgetting to take out the trash. The mat idea came about from reading a blog post about making the spanked feeling last longer. The author of the blog is the commenter below you......
DeleteI got a mat for that like us too, but Nick has never used it in the way I wanted him to, sigh... Anyway, if you don't like sitting on it for the lecture he might have you sit on it after the spanking - should be very effective. Do you guys ever use butt plugs? They can be very effective for making you feel VERY submissive.
ReplyDeletePK< I got the whole stupid mat idea from your blog post. We used it a few times after a spanking and that is how he got the idea to do it alone when he can't spank me. I have been coming up with ideas like the butt plug but haven't suggested anything to him. I learned my lesson after a few painful suggestions I had made. Lol. Like I said, Ty is a little bit of a masochist. He is very creative at coming up with his own ideas.... Lol
DeleteThe Hoh's do tend to get creative at times! :)
ReplyDeletequiet sara, I am so glad to see you commenting. I saw your name around and was wondering. Welcome to blog land (hope I am not too late to welcome you). A Hoh can be quite creative when it comes to discipline, too bad he isn't so creative when it comes to Mother's Day gifts. Okay, that does make me laugh, so I am going to say Lol. Sorry but I laugh at myself sometimes. He really stinks at helping the kids out with Mother's Day, my birthday and Christmas. He is good with our anniversary though.
DeleteThanks for stopping by
Oh dear...I do not think I would like to sit on that mat either. If I come up with any ideas I will certainly let you know. Not spanking you would not be the answer because that would be taking a part of your happiness different than a deterrent - or at least that is how I would feel being a spanko - spanking is part of what makes me feel loved and you can't take away loving me as punishment...but not being into DD I do not know other than my fantasies...and those usually involve spanking or possibly writing lines...anyways good luck finding what works for you... :-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteSo glad that you understand. It is difficult to explain the whole idea of enjoying a spanking. I did get all of my work done yesterday, so maybe this mat thing is a good incentive.
DeleteOhhh ouch! That mat looks serious. Im glad you guys found something that works. Have you ever tried capcaisin cream? Its all the yucky parts of the spanking minus the more.. fun ones.
ReplyDeleteCapsaicin cream is a hard limit hard limit here. Which means that the cream is off the table for being used. There are two things that are used for punishment that I have a hard limit on and he has one. The cream is not helpful for me in anyway. It just makes me mad at him and thus doesn't make me very submissive. And that is not the point of dd. Ty agrees. In all the years we have been doing ttwd, I have never had to use our safe word and he has always respected my lines and not crossed them. If I have done something wrong, I want to clear the air and feel sorry. If it does the opposite, we are wasting time and money. That cream is horrible.
DeleteSitting on that mat after a spanking...that would have to be unpleasant.
ReplyDeleteI would ask someone way more experienced than me. lol
Minelle, have you got to use your new paddle? Don't ever suggest a door mat, not a good idea, take my word for it.
DeleteOh yes my dear! He has worked out some techniques since I was a virgin with wooden paddles! I love your guys work!
DeleteI am NEVER going to go there...lol
Ouch! I would hate to sit on that doormat. If I think of anything that may be helpful, I wll let you know.
ReplyDeleteKim
Thanks Kim, if you do think of anything make sure it isn't too bad. Lol The mat is bad enough. And whatever you do, don't suggest the mat to your husband.
DeleteYikes! Ouch! I have no suggestions...in my world there is a super clear distinction of fun spankings and punishment spankings...sorry about the mat...but it is creative! ;)
ReplyDeleteWe tried really hard to separate the two. We did everything we could think of. Different positions, different implements, lecturing, writing lines, corner time, but nothing really worked effectively. But the mat is not really used for a major discipline issue. We don't come across those much. I usually feel horrible when I do something big and feel like I need to be punished, spanked and in that situation maybe a spanking would work. But in general, being mouthy, not finishing my work, being a little late or arguing with kids, those he is now going to use the mat for. Hopefully I can focus more on getting my work done that trying to figure out what little thing I could do wrong to get a spanking. And welcome to my blog. I have seen your name just recently on Rogue's blog and I am glad that you came on over to visit me.
DeleteI am giggling over this post! I agree, spanking isn't a deterrent to a spanko! :) But I love that Ty came up with something that works. :)
ReplyDeleteI knew you would understand. I would guess that we have a lot of similar thinking. After reading one of PK's posts, I bought the mat thinking that it might help with making the feeling of the spanking last longer. It does. He now can just call me away from something like arguing with the kids, and make me sit on the mat. Not very pleasant. Spankings just aren't a deterrent.
DeleteWriting lines and grounding can be effective for us since we are both spankos. The mat seems to be working well, if you hate it, it will work.
ReplyDeleteThe cream Kenzie mentioned might do the trick as well.
Kneeling on rice seems to be one that is pretty common in a lots of blogs but we have not tries that yet.
dancingbarez, Ty can't really come up with anything to ground me from. I am not a real social person and I am usually always doing things that are for my family. I practically live in my van, driving kids everywhere. I wish he would take away my keys. Writing lines or even a letter to him might work. That awful cream is long gone and never ever returning to our house. Yay!!! Ty had me once kneel on the mat and I lasted about 5 seconds. He got mad at me for getting up and I told him to try it and see how long he can do it for. (Yes, very submissive of me). Hopefully, he won't try that again. I don't know how anyone can do that. I am a "keep on the butt" kind of person.
DeleteWow, I cannot imagine at the point we are at, but how about a spanking, the cream, then the mat. Good luck with that. ;)
ReplyDeleteNO, No, No. I thought your were my friend..... Actually the spanking and the mat have happened quite a bit. Cream is off the table, hard limit. Actually causes rashes and makes mean wife. Hopefully the mat will work for a while at least cause I want to be the best wife, mother and person I can be. I do want our marriage to be excellent, the very best. But plotting how to get a spanking is not being very productive.
DeleteI know exactly what you mean. Something else (that you hate) along with a spanking seems most obvious. The only other thing I can think of, is 'relieving' the sexual tension (ie:yours) beforehand. This hasn't happened often with me, but, it takes away a lot of the sexual excitement that I feel and any punishment afterwards is definitely understood and remembered. And I hate it!! Lol! So I guess it works!
ReplyDeleteDee x
That's an interesting idea. I can imagine that a spanking afterwards would actually feel like a spanking. Hmmm. I will share this idea with Ty. Spankos understand other spankos pretty well.
DeleteHey Blondie, What is Ty like with lectures before/during a spanking? If he's not much of a lecturer then doing so may make the difference as it will help focus you both more on the reason for the punishment and the fact that it is punishment and help to take it away from being something sexy. Have you tried things like corner time, writing line, that sort of thing either instead of combined with spanking?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds as though you have found something that works for you with the mat though.
Hugs,
Roz
We have really tried making a punishment spanking feel like one. He lectures. He has tried corner time during the spanking, I have tried to wrap my head around feeling bad, and we have tried different positions, implements, etc. Even if there isn't sex involved, the spanking doesn't quite have the same effect on me as it does to some of my other dd friends. I have really struggled with that. So, now I just have to accept that there has to be something different for us, Thanks for the good ideas. You never know, maybe if we try them again they may work.
DeleteWriting lines, or an essay reflecting on the transgression, while seated on ther mat may be pretty effective - that is, IF you like the former as little as the latter.ActuAlly that is the key: punishment may be anything, as long within (but may be close to) your hard limits as you really THOROUGHLY dislike it. Cornertime, particular chores,or spanking with special implements (hAribrush, cane, etc) - you name it.
ReplyDeleteFirst, thanks for stopping by and commenting. I would have to speculate that you and Ty are thinking alike. I believe that there was a comment about writing while on the mat. The mat is really a deterrent for me. I have done everything on my list for the last two days. And he has only made me sit on it once, I made a comment that wasn't very nice and he quickly had me sitting. I am still wondering what he is going to do when I do something really bad and he needs to not only punish but help me feel like I have repented enough that I feel forgiven. I may be harder on myself than he is on me.
DeleteThanks again for commenting. I do appreciate a Hoh's perspective
Dear Lord....that appears to be made from the same sort of stuff as our Welcome mat at our front door. I do believe I will keep that bit of information to myself! Okay, now I am off to clear the history of this laptop.....oh, and Good luck Blondie ;)
ReplyDeleteLucy Lou, yeah I was going to mention that at the top of my post, DO NOT SHARE WITH THE HOH. Lol Be careful what you might let slip too, how do you think the welcome mat came to be around here? Me and my lack of common sense suggesting it. Some day my brain and mouth will work together to protect my backside.
Delete" Mom why is there a "Welcome" mat in your bedroom ? " " Oh honey that's NO welcome mat"
ReplyDeleteOkay...SO not helpful, but I did see online where you can get custom sayings printed on these mats * wink *
So what is it with the mat? Is it itchy? Painful? Embarrassing ? All of the above? I'm curious.
The welcome mat is in front of the sliding glass door in our bedroom. It is super cute with flip flops and "dad doesn't track in dirt from the back yard". I did see a mat that said "Oh no, not you again". Now that would be a fun one to have but harder to explain. Flip flops are more my style at least. Yes to all of the above. Prickly, itchy, painful, but I don't know the exact material. It is usually used as a front door, outside, matt. Definitely heavy duty. I could always mail you one that you can try out with your new paddle.......
DeleteIs the mat to tenderize your bottom before a spanking?? Just ouch!!! I'm with Dee... Once the sexual tension is gone, spankings hurt like the dickens!
ReplyDeleteActually, we have used it during and after. It makes the spanked feeling last longer. I guess pain in my butt doesn't last like it does for others. Rarely do I feel like I can't sit the next day. But may does he spank hard. He is always testing my limits and is amazed by what I can take.
DeleteYou are right, that is a good idea that Dee has. And if you agree, it must be so.
I don't even want to think about sitting on a mat like that after a good spanking... O_o we have one and I run past it in my bare feet just to not step on it, they are horribly scratchy and prickly. :P
ReplyDeleteI hate accidently stepping on it. My poor feet. I guess that my bum is not as sensitive as my feet. Nobody better suggest that I stand on it! Keep the punishment on the bum only *and a little on the high thigh I guess). Emi, you should only have to sit on pillows, let H know that I said so. (Try to be serious when you tell him though - no laughing). He might actually like my suggestion.
DeleteLate to the party, as usual. But reading Dee's comment made me think of a post that Ronnie (Heart & Soul) had a couple of weeks ago. P was going to cane her but gave her an orgasm first and she said although she is a lover of the cane, she couldn't wait till he was finished. It had a different feel afterward.
ReplyDeleteMaybe extra chores or something you absolutely hate to do. I can think of lots, like washing windows, scrubbing the grout, cleaning the attic, basement or closet, stuff like that.
Okay, I think that I might actually have to let it slip about the orgasm first idea. At least it will work for him. He will be sated and I won't be responding to his obvious naughty thoughts.
DeleteI already do all the stuff, cleaning wise. If not, nothing would get done. Maybe he can reward me for being good, like having the kids do extra chores if I don't mess up. Accentuate the positive..... Well it works in child rearing, lol
I've seen those mats and I would not want to sit on one. Not sure what else to suggest, other comments kind of covered any I would have had, except...you mentioned not having much to be grounded from because you're not a real social person, but what if you were told you had to get out and do something, and not running the kids somewhere and not for the family, but had to go out walking a certain distance (having to think about why your walking) or some other thing like run certain errands you don't particularly like or something. I know Dave has told me recently that I spend too much time at home and in the house and that I need to get out to a park by myself or walk or something. It's not that I don't like doing those things but that most times I would just prefer to do something else, or I already have things I need to get done and if I have to spend time getting out and doing one of those things it would mean I would have to work a little harder to still be sure to get done the other things required of me. Did I make any sense with this? Anyway, hope some of this helps.
ReplyDeleteJacquie, that is a really good (bad) idea. I tell you all the time, that I am always learning from you. I am a hermit and I hate to exercise. But those are also things that are healthy for me. Thank you for the good suggestions
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOuch! I love creativity but NOT when it comes to punishment. Good luck and I hope it helps. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Stormy, it's not horrible it's just very uncomfortable.
DeleteThanks. As long as Ogre and Ty never meet, you and I will be okay. Missed you.
ReplyDeleteYikes. I would hate that myself. Good luck finding something else.
ReplyDeleteTy likes it because it gets my attention. When my mouth gets too sassy (I know, hard to believe) he pulls out the mat and I become very submissive
DeleteOuchy, ouch, ouch!!! That mat doesn't look nice to sit on, certainly not with a bare bottom. :(
ReplyDeleteIt works though. Arguing with a child and my bottom pays for it. He wants me to not argue with those darn teens who think they know everything. And he is right but sometimes I get caught up in the moment.
DeleteIt is hard to feel that a spanking is a punishment when you are both spankos. Does he spank you first before you sit on the mat. And how about lectures or tellings off maybe that might help let me know if find the answer
ReplyDeleteThe mat works with or without spankings. Usually he uses it quickly without the spanking. For example, I am not my sweet self and I tell him where to stick it, he just brings me to the bedroom and lets me sit on the mat till I become my sweet self again. I don't know what we are going to do when I really get in trouble. Luckily, it doesn't happen often. But the spankings that I have gotten for that kind of mistake is almost more of a forgiving spanking for both of us. I am pretty hard on myself and it allows me to forgive too.
DeleteI was reading and thought "it's the mat...that's what works." Bah, sort of sad that I was right. It must do something different in your head to be so effective. It sure isn't as glamorous as that good old fashioned spanking. Sigh...sorry Blondie, although I suppose it is good that something works so well. Talk about a silent spanking. I'm keeping the mats out of this house, just in case one HoH here starts feeling creative.
ReplyDeleteIt sure makes me change my attitude fast. And I don't like it when I am being ornery, it is not very becoming of me and is disrespectful to Ty. So it works quickly and it isn't as bad as it not working.
DeleteSee, I'm now trying to share less ideas with the Duke after my post last night. I won't be sharing this! LOL OUCH, your poor bottom. As you said, Ty comes up with lots of ideas on his own, maybe wait it out a few weeks, see what he comes up with. :) Though, that could be equally as dangerous as any ideas you might find online!
ReplyDeleteWell as long as this is working, he won't be looking. Spankings can be very painful for the bottom but this is different because, I don't know why..... but it works and it is quiet and it is something that can be done immediately. Spankings are just not cutting it right now. Though my bottom right now is sore and not from the mat. Nice (hahahaha) red oak paddle has my bottom on fire.
DeleteYou have some great suggestions her and since I am late I do't have too much to add. I do agree with the suggestion to have sex first especially if you haven't done that before. I could change things up enough to set a new tone. Good luck with the mat. It doesn't look fun.
ReplyDeleteThat sex before spanking idea might be the solution we need. Especially when I do something that really needs resolution. When no one is around, sit on one and see which is worse, a spanking or the mat. Lol
DeleteLate to the party...Ummmm, sorry for saying this, so forgive me in advance, ok? Seems like he found a most effective corrective action for you. And I'd venture he'd be reluctant to change what works, so maybe trying to change his tack wouldn't really work in your favor....not if he's anything like my Daddy, especially!
ReplyDeleteWe use the plug, more as a submission exercise. When Daddy sees me start to range he will use that, as ad PK said, yes, it makes me feel very submissive in very short order.
(((hugs)))
That plug definitely makes me feel submissive fast. Ty is such a great leader and he is the best husband. I would follow him anywhere and I trust him 100%. But I am a little feisty at times and I forget to be polite so the mat works quickly. I am sure not going to suggest the plug and the mat together. That would not be good for little ol' me
DeleteWe follow a routine. We (I) talk about why Grace is to be punished. Then she lays over the corner of the bed. I use a hairbrush, hard and fast without any warm up. After she has several minutes of corner time I hold her and tell her how muck I love her. I think part of why it works for us is that tha hairbrush and bed corner are only used for 1 purpose, never play or a minor correction. The mat does sound quite interesting though, we may need one soon. I hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteI forgot I was going to mention the possibility of daily spankings. They don't need to be long but they are a wonderful way of connecting and act as a daily reminder of how things are supposed to be. Plus it's a great way for a spanko to get her fill.
DeleteHi Blondie, :) I'm really late here but that mat does sound pretty effective for you somehow. We don't have anything like that and I hope that we never do. That cannot be pleasant to sit on at all!!! Rob doesn't use corner time or anything else like that. I think we are just too new for that kind of creativity. He is still figuring stuff out with the whole spanking/implements I think. He has threatened the butt plug, which we have, but has never done anything about it. That is something that is relatively new for us ex vanilla folks. He will send me up to bed, or have me leave the room if I am starting to argue, etc. Some times he sends me to blow off some steam by going on the treadmill. He also takes my iPhone or computer from me for a while- which I really don't like one bit. I'd rather have the spanking. Well- most of the time! Stay off that mat! :) I think your paddles are very pretty! :) Hugs!
ReplyDelete<3 Katie