As a Christian, I know that Christmas is all about Christ and giving to others. As a mother, I also know that I feel that I need to make Christmas a special, magical time for my children. There in lies the problem.
I am not usually one to air my dirty laundry but this time I am going to take exception and share with you. Maybe someone can actually help me and my husband.
The recession hit our family really hard. As a teacher, with less than five years of teaching under him, my husband was not rehired during the first round of teacher layoffs. My husband was unemployed for almost a year and a half. It was a full time job looking for a job. We all helped, either by helping type up resumes and cover letters, addressing envelopes or just staying supportive. There is no way that a family of our size can live on the amount we received from unemployment. Food stamps barely covered half of what we use to spend on groceries, and the medical insurance provided us with some of the worst doctors available. Please know that I am not trying to be ungrateful but I am tired of people thinking that the unemployed are lazy and would rather stay unemployed because of all the free stuff. My husband could not accept a part time job because we would lose all of the food stamps and health insurance. He needed a job that was full time and provided benefits. Almost two years ago today, my husband landed a great job. He is working hard and feels better about himself.
Since he has been employed, we have been playing catch up with all of our bills. Creditors are sympathetic as long as you keep in touch and you try and make some "good faith" payments. Electric, gas and phone companies will extend payment for pretty long, once again if you stay in touch and try. We almost lost our home a few times and were grateful every morning that we awoke and our van was still in the driveway. We are almost back on our feet and things are looking better all the time. But it is still hard. We are still, according to statistics, are living below the poverty line because of the size of our family and my husband's income. I can live on a budget that most people couldn't fathom living on. I know how to feed a family of seven for cents better than most books that are published. And we were also blessed with help from anonymous people giving to us from our church.
The refund wasn't what we had expected. Not even close. The kids kept asking me when we were going to have our other Christmas and I would reassure them that since Dad said that we would, we would. Dad always tells the truth. They began to not believe him. And we have never had a second Christmas and we never will. That is what my husband finally told all of us.
I decided that this year, there will be presents under the tree and I have been shopping for last five months, a little at a time. I want my kids to have a regular Christmas this year.
My husband gets very offended when I say things like "they didn't have a Christmas last year". He gets very angry at me. He feels that they did. The gifts from my brother, who is quite wealthy, ranged in prices of $250 - $500 each. Plus they all got gifts from Santa. To him they had a Christmas. To me, he promised them something and we were unable to follow through. He says that when I say stuff like that, it makes him feel like shit.
This morning we were talking about Christmas and I made the mistake of commenting that I wanted the kids to have a real Christmas. He got really upset with me. He told me that he knows that we both have a difference of opinion but he thinks that I am wrong and I shouldn't be saying things like that, especially in front of the kids (which I don't do). It's just that if I had known we weren't going to celebrate it later, I would have made an effort to make it happen without money on Christmas morning. The kids could have made things for each other, we could have given them hand made gift certificates for later on, I might have even used some of my food money to purchase a little something. The year before, I wrapped socks as presents and the kids didn't care.
We teach our children all about Christ. We give to our church and support the homeless. My older son is questioning his faith right now so the Christian part of the holiday means nothing to him. And we live in a upper middle class neighborhood where the other kids get more gifts than they can even use. My kids are use to having less and have accepted that. They always have what they need no matter what kind of thing I have to sacrifice.
So how do I make things right with everyone. How do I not make my husband upset? Or maybe, how do I change my opinion of last year?
Oh Blondie, I really don't know what to tell you. At this point I'm not sure how we're going to do Christmas this year and it makes my heart sad, even though I know that's not what the holiday is really about. Financial stuff can be so stressful and divisive. I wish I had some advice for you. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteGrace, thank you so much for commenting. It's easier said than done to not worry about finances during the holidays but I think that that is what I need to do. Be a role model for kids. IT doesn't help that we also have three December birthdays at my house. Hugs to you too, maybe we can work together and figure out how to make it look good.
DeleteI think your children learned a valuable lesson about life. It is not always what we expect or want but we have to learn to accept what is. Make Christmas more about loving. Why not do the gift certificates, homemade gifts, a beautiful dinner which is your gift to your family. Why not, as a family, volunteer to to serve at a Christmas dinner for the homeless. What a better way to show your children just how really lucky they are.
ReplyDeleteHave a family meeting and discuss what you have discussed here. The kids live in that house and will enjoy being part of discussion on how to make their Christmas more meaningful to everyone without spending a fortunte.
Blessings.
Sunnygirl, wow! Very good advice. I have heard from others that my children will be better people for all the valuable lessons they have learned the last five or six years. I hope so. I hope that we taught them that it isn't about what you have but what you can give. My husband and I loved your idea of having a family meeting and coming up with a plan for the holidays. Thank you for all of your kind words.
Delete(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou have to first define for yourself what you consider a 'real Christmas' and what your husband's definition is. I know it is especially difficult when your children are questioning their faith. But giving back to other's doesn't just have to be about being a Christian, it can be about just wanting to give from one human reaching out to another.
I like the idea above about working to serve the less fortunate for the holidays; this would include the days leading up to Christmas as well. There is nothing like realizing how much you do have when you meet people who don't even have a family to share the day with or a home to keep warm.
We spent many holidays not being able to afford the type of Christmas for our children which their friends would enjoy and it tore my heart out some years. But we stressed the positive things we had.
And I had to watch myself and what I said because I know it did bother my husband as much as it bothered me even though he didn't show it in the same way. But I had to keep in mind that he worked hard for his family and he deserved my appreciation for it.
I wish I could give you a ((hug)) for real because I could feel your emotion in every word of this post. It's all a mind set. It's how you let yourself think about it. Is this something worth allowing distance between you and your husband? You need to back him completely. This is your gift to him. You need to let him know that you appreciate what he has done, what he is doing, and trust in him that he will continue to provide.
Jacquie, I can feel your hug thank you. You are right, we do need to show our children the gift of giving. I like how you said the "type of Christmas". That is what my problem is, I have an idea of what "type of Christmas" I think we should have had. My husband works harder than any person I know. He is always going. And for me to hurt him, that makes me feel terrible. I do need to watch how I say things. He is my rock and the rock of our family and without him, we would be nothing. I am the one who spoke incorrectly. Thanks for being truthful and honest.
DeleteEven though we live in Canada, my husband works for an American company, so 'expected' money in the form of bonuses( which due to bills have become more like salary to us)have greatly decreased. While we haven't had the hardships that you have had to endure,it is very hard to make ends meet. Our credit is through the roof, and I feel it is only a matter of time! Our kids are used to not doing or getting what the other kids have too. They actually seem fine with it, to be honest. I do understand the anxiety of it all. They are only children once and you want their memories of every Christmas to be fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI would imagine that your husband is trying to convince himself that they had a Christmas last year, because he feels responsible. Every man wants to be able to provide for his family, and yes the kids did get gifts, but the truth of the matter is they didn't come from his walet.
But back to the kids, are you sure that it is not your idea that they didn't have a Christmas that you see in them? ( not judging just asking). I remember when my kids were really little and they'd send home all the Christmas craft stuff from school, there was always the question of "What is the best thing about Christmas" and after age 5 or 6 they all replied "Being with our family."
I know I'm not really being helpful I suppose. Again, not judging, just asking if perhaps forgiveness is not the answer. Forgive your husband for what you see is a broken promise. Maybe forgive yourself because you didn't have a Norman Rockwell Christmas last year, and maybe help your husband forgive himself, by moving on to this year.
I hope what ever the solution is for you to have a wonderful season, or as best you can, it comes to you.
Wilma
Wilma, I think you hit the nail on the head. I do have to forgive and not my husband but myself and the situation. My husband works hard to provide and he is one of those people who is true to his word. I was the one with the problem. Not him. But I still wouldn't mind a Norman Rockwell Christmas. Lol. My kids are pretty good about not comparing gifts with their peers because financially we can't compete. We chose for me to stay at home with the kids and that has always set us back financially. My oldest son once told me that he would rather be poor and have me at home than me working. So sometimes I can see the light. Family is very important. My husband read my blog and the part about forgiving himself really hit home for him too. Thanks
DeleteThe biggest dilemma I see here is the disagreement between you and your husband. The kids DID have a real Christmas last year, but they did not get the other Christmas that they were promised. The reason why were real and no one's fault, but as a mother we feel it keenly when we promise something that can't be delivered. I have no doubt your husband feels guilty even though it is not his fault. But bringing up last year is going to make him feel guilty no matter what. Maybe instead of saying I want them to have a real Christmas this year, just say I want them to have a special Christmas every year. Special can come in many different forms.
ReplyDeleteChrist is the focus of Christmas and your children know this BUT, they are still kids and 'getting stuff' is what they see all around them. You're doing great buying ahead. Look in consignment shops Good Will for some really great things. Challenge each kid to make or think up a gift for each sibling and be honest with them that you're still digging our from under.
I hope your Christmas is very, very special!
Hugs,
PK
Thanks PK. You are right, the problem is the disagreement between my husband and myself. We did have a "real" Christmas. You and my husband are right. It was not the kind of Christmas I would have chosen but it was and it always will be Christmas, no matter what. He read the comments and was really touched. I think he thought that all the comments would be against him. I told him that these blogland friends are not the kind of friends that just agree with me all the time. In Blogland, we are honest and truthful. Thanks for being a friend. I hope your Christmas is special too.
Delete((HUGS)) Blondie! I have no doubt that you both want to create a special memory for your kids each and every Christmas. If your husband would be alright with it, I really like sunnygirl's suggestion about bringing the kids in on the discussion so you can all work together to define what your celebration will look like this year...with the focus NOT being on comparing or making up for last year, but rather to look ahead and get on the same page about expectations for this year. It sounds like they are old enough to understand that things don't always work out the way that we want them to or expect them to and it's not worth dwelling on the past, but this year your family is in a better place and that's certainly something worth celebrating!
ReplyDeleteTess, you are right. Sunnygirl's idea of a family meeting is one we are going to use. They are all old enough to understand the situation and will probably have some good ideas too. We are doing better financially and it would be nice to not have to worry about paying bills every month. Yet, there is a home filled with love and that is what I can give my children year rounc. Thank you for your wise words
DeleteDon't even get me started about the holidays. I cringe every Thanksgiving because the holidays are very difficult for my kids. My kids are privileged most of the year, at the holidays sometimes they throw little pity parties for themselves. Being Jewish we have never celebrated Christmas and Chanuka is strictly a commercial holiday which we don;t buy into, never have. They have learned to adapt.
ReplyDeleteLaurie
Auntie Laurie, always straight to the point. I will be sending any child that complains this year to stay with you. Lol No pity parties around here.
DeleteAre you taking a trip this year during the break? I hope your daughter gets Rob to take her to see Santa this year (wink ;). What about that for commercialism? Talk to you soon.
Already lots of great advice here.
ReplyDeleteI think the one thing you and your husband need to re-talk through is your own internal expectations and the reality that in some ways, what you are mourning from last year is your desire as a mom to love on her kids and give them good things. To not have been able to do that both at Christmas and then again when it wasn't possible to do your 2nd Christmas clearly hurt your mom heart. You personally felt every ounce of their disappointment. Make sure he understands that this isn't so much about him and what he wasn't able to do. He's thinking much more linear than you are...which is just the way us ladies are wired. I love that you have been squirreling away things as you can. If he hears you, he can understand that heart and why you've been putting things away over the past months.
Sorry Blondie...I re-read this and it came out wrong. I meant that I guessed that's what you were mourning and hurting about, not a "I declare this is what you are feeling." Sheesh! I hate when I come out sounding that way. Sorry about that.
DeleteSusie, don't be sorry about anything. You are so correct in what you said and I never noticed how you said it. My husband read all the comments and I think that yours kind of helped him understand where I was coming from. Our mom hearts. Thank you for you wise words
DeleteThe disagreement is the big one, the kids and expectations is second.
ReplyDeleteI get it though, my kiddos are the same way and WE too have had some hard times as well as depend on tax returns to help out.
It's hard because my hubby and I sometimes disagree in the same way. He thinks the kids are spoiled and don't need much, so I shouldn't stress so much on what we can't do on Christmas, but we also live in a nice middle class area where the kids are given everything under the sun, so naturally, mine have wants and I feel like I want to give them things.
The problem is we are most likely considered lower middle class these days and now with the twins, we will really be strapped this year.
We have tried to prepare the kids for a dim Christmas, and YES Christ should be the main focus... so pairing that into telling the kids to expect less is hard, and then the pull of the Husbands opinion. My oldest questions faith as well. She's 16, so she thinks she knows everything...
Guess what's on her list? An Iphone... a $200 phone and data plan.. UGH...
I guess I'm no good for advice because I'm in the same boat. I want her to have the phone and plan and hubby thinks it's completely insane..
Sorry I have nothing good to add other then I get where you are coming from. Maybe keep thinking and try to see your Husbands point of view. Also... don't hide your feelings, maybe you can get him to see a bit of what your feeling? There is a middle ground there somewhere I bet!
Emi, I always love to hear from you cause we can relate. What is the deal with the smaller the gift the more it costs? My teens think they know everything too. One thing I have learned, is that babies don't care about gifts and they won't remember if or what they got. Lol This entire holiday thing remindes me of kids birthday presents. You know how the gift bags given to the kids at the end of the party? I remember when the gift bags probably cost more than what I spent on the birthday present we gave. And then the parties themselves, especially the ones where they invited the whole class... geez. I not only couldn't compete financially but I didn't want to. And will my fifteen year old really care in twenty years if she got a $200 gift or a $50 gift. It really doesn't matter in the long run. All the comments, including yours, has reminded me that it is more important what I teach the kids then what I give them in material goods. Now I just have to do the right thing.
DeleteBlondie - I have been where you were and are more times than I care to think about. I do understand that you want to make sure your children have a special Christmas and not a repeat of last year. I do agree with PK regarding the disagreement between you and your husband and she stated what I would have said - just much better. Let last Christmas go and just plan this year as a "special" Christmas.
ReplyDeleteSince Christmas has been so commercialized for years, I started a tradition with my children when they were young - I baked a special 'birthday cake' to remind them of whose birthday were celebrating. We would gather and sing happy birthday and drink spiced cider and eat 'birthday cake' prior to opening presents. My oldest is going through the questioning/doubt phase but still asked me to send him the recipe for the 'Christmas cake' so he could continue the tradition with his daughters. It is actually a type of coffee cake which is great for breakfast. Maybe you could incorporate something like this in your traditions to further emphasize that this is a 'special' Christmas. Just a thought. Praying that you will get this sorted out soon.
Blessings,
Cat
Oh I like the birthday cake idea. We always have special cinnamon rolls Christmas morning but a cake is a good idea too. We use to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I don't know why we stopped. Probably because the older ones became teenagers and refused to sing. Thank you for your ideas. You and my other blog friends have been so kind and helpful. Thanks again
DeleteThis is such a heartfelt post, Blondie. And the comments already posted serve as a great collection of insights and wisdom. You clearly want to bless your children with good things - a true mother's heart. It sounds as if this "missed Christmas celebration" is a bigger deal for your husband than it appears. A traditional husband takes his role as provider very seriously, even if he doesn't talk about it. For him to not be able to provide the "material" things for his children is hard. Even things like the gifts provided by his brother will sting - he appreciates his brother's gesture, but it probably hurts to not be the one to give those big gifts himself. It may take some time for your husband to heal from this incident. Be patient with him - forgive him and let him heal. For him, this "missed Christmas" is a big, bold billboard on his journey as provider for his family - every time you (as a couple) go back to that memory, he is faced with the billboard that advertises his failure as a husband and father. Yes, communication is vital, but just as important is choosing the right time to talk about sensitive issues. Maybe this one needs to be left alone for a while? I like the idea of making Christmas about the memories a family can generate. Twenty years from now, the kids won't remember what store-bought gifts they received. They will remember the time you spend together and what you did together. (Our family likes to bake VERY inexpensive sugar cookies, which we decorate together (family tradition) - we can then give the cookies away as gifts, so our focus remains on giving and not receiving.)
ReplyDeleteOld Fashioned Marriage....I was scanning the comments to see if you had replied to this. You said what I was thinking, but could not put into words. I know this is how Ryan would have felt...that he had failed in some way, and that is why he would get so mad/offended. Hugs Blondie.....I hope you are both able to figure this out :)
Delete~Lucy
Old Fashion Marriage, thanks for commenting. I don't remember seeing you here before. Please come back - your advice is very valuable. You have described my husband to a T. And it is time to move forward and not make him feel bad or worse than he does. He is such a good husband, father and provider and I hate that I made him feel anything negative. I should be his constant support not the one who puts salt in his wounds. I like the cookie idea. Thanks again for stopping by. Now I am going to check out your blog.
DeleteLucy,I have to agree with everything you said. My husband does probably feel like he failed in some way. And OFM gave some really good advice. Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate your support
DeleteI don't feel I have anything more insightful to add from all your other really great comments. First, good for you for keeping the true meaning of Christmas as the focus. But, PK's point is well taken...they are still kids and so presents are part of Christmas. I hope your husband will read your post. It is heartfelt and maybe he can see your point a view a little more by reading the post. The family meeting that Sunnygirl and Tess suggest is a good idea. That way everyone will be on the same page. I think most people are having to tighten up and scale back a little. I know that is not very helpful, but at least know you are not alone. Hugs to you. I appreciate the honesty and candid information you shared here. It also sounds like you've been planning ahead by buying some gifts along the way. Good for you for that. Well, just wishing you the best as you work through this and also that your holidays will be wonderful. Also, I hope your son will be touched in a special way this holiday season as he is searching out his own faith.
ReplyDeleteSNP, off the subject but I just read something and found out that I am older than you. But you are wise beyond your years.
DeleteMy husband did read my blog and all the comments. He was pleasantly surprised. My oldest son, who is the one questioning his faith, was one of the two of my children who accompanied me to Christmas Eve service. He just has to find his own faith in his own time. He does have all the knowledge and the support. I should be counting our blessing and be thankful for what we do have instead of giving my husband grief about what I thought we should have had. Family meeting is sceduled and I think that this year, we may have the best Christmas ever because we will be focusing on giving and not on the money. Lots of good ideas. Thanks
We too have had some awful years.My husband works so hard but when we need to make choices he feels like a failure, sometimes it is hard to read their response as insecurity and guilt to provide for the family.Time helps.
ReplyDeleteI have always made Christmas very special for our kids. Throughout the early years I kept everything going while my husband worked, I paid the bills and never worried, Then hard financial times and trying medical difficulties caused me to make financial decisions that were psychologically necessary, unfortunately we are still in debt. When Christmas comes we usually manage. However, My stomach is gone by the time January is finished.
I understand your desire to follow through and make a promise happen. Although I will say that even when I want to get them everything they want....what they talk about even now as teens, is the traditions and the special time we have together.We always go to Midnight Mass now that my kids are older. Create a new tradition like everyone gets new pjs Christmas Eve...etc.
I also completely understand that you just want to see the bright eyes and happy smiles Christmas morning,as they open a special gift from you.
Honestly everyone else has great answers, I just understand your pain as a mom.
Minelle, your kind words of understanding and support means more to me than you could possibly realize. I am tired of wishing it was January already. And I never want my husband to feel bad. I truly think and hope that my kids will understand and appreciate what we do, maybe not now but some day. From one to another, thanks..
Delete(((Blondie)))) I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time with this. I think you and your husband are both right, just "different" so it's hard to find that common ground. You are looking out for your kids and want them to have a great Christmas while he wants to donate to other families in need.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could something to help, but you know I'm here if you need anything. I will keep my fingers crossed that you're able to get through this and have a lovely Christmas.
I know it's not really my place to say anything seeing as how i have no husband and i have no kids. but i DO communicate a lot and I DO know what it's like NOT to have enough to celebrate Christmas... I've just had to be the one to inform my other siblings that this year for christmas we wont be having our usual gift exchange (in the past each of us would buy at least 10 presents cos that's how many of us there are) and if you wanted to get a gift for someone, that's up to you. looks like we'll only be getting simple stuff (probably FOOD Items too) for the parents, and likely one household gets one item of something edible.
ReplyDeleteperhaps the problem is not that the kids had or didn't have christmas last year.
perhaps it's the word "REAL" that your husband feels hurt about. and that you're using a little mistakenly. I know you mean a "meaningful" christmas, or the christmas that was "promised" to them. so "real" isn't very accurate. cos to your Husb having dinner and the presents from santa was definitely REAL enough. i tend to agree.
but i know you are referring to his promised christmas.
I would say to him
"I am sorry that it sounds like i blame you for the kids not having a REAL christmas. But what i mean is that i'm disappointed for them that they didn't get the christmas you promised them. And i know there are very valid reasons for that.
Maybe I am still a little sore about the circumstances of last year - but i do not blame you, and you have to stop being defensive. I will stop saying "real" christmas, but you have to also be on board with me this year to try and give them a more PERSONAL christmas - in the form of simple gifts from US, not just santa and their uncle (which may be real, but a little distant)...
I know we should be sharing and charity is fab and all, but i think this year could we save the gifts that i have slowly been accumulating for our own kids, and as a family we can share our TIME and ENERGY instead to help the community."
i really think the problem here is the word "REAL" that he and you are disagreeing about. and you know, you might want to offer him your butt for sounding like you were accusing him and blaming him for last year's failure - and honestly, i think you still might have some unresolved issues there.
Fondles, you make a whole lot of sense and you give some really great advice. After my husband read my blog and the comments we were able to talk. It really helped that he was able to see comments like yours that helped point out the real issues. This year is going to be really special because we are going to take all the good advice and use it.
DeletePS....He can use my butt for anything he wants especially if I made him feel bad. Or whatever reason he has. I am his
Blondie, I have been where ya'll have been. From the unemployment to the foodstamps to the lack of funding for Christmas. Although my kids always had Christmas it may not have been what we wanted it to be. We have been truely blessed with people in our lives that have helped provide when we couldn't. Even though we were greatful for all the help we did hurt because we couldn't provide it and we had to rely on others. I think this is normal to feel this way but we learned that the kids understood more than we thought. We started small personal gifts that didn't cost alot of money. We would let each one choose a special item to eat at Christmas dinner, we would bake together and do inexpensive crafts to give each other for gifts. The pride that the kids took in the gifts they made was amazing. I even was so short one Christmas that I started a snack bag for each of the kids. I bought groceries and made special bags with snacks that they each liked that I usually didn't buy. The snack bags were the biggest surprise to me because now each one looks forward to their snack bag as much as some of the other gifts. For something that started as desperation for adding a gift under the tree it has now become tradition. I don't know if any of this makes any sense but it could be that ya'll are more upset about that 2nd Christmas than the kids are. You might try being honest with them about it and using if for a learning experience. Sometimes the best thing we can give our children is helping them learn a lesson so that it will relieve their stress in the future when faced with the same circumstances. Even though it is hard to feel let down and forgive it is just as hard for our husbands as providers to feel as though they have let us or the family down. There comes a point that old hurts must be let go before you can move forward in a positive way. Don't underestimate your kids. They sometimes understand more than we think they are capable of understanding. Try to enjoy the little things that will last as memories and traditions not the commercialized side of Christmas. All I can do is send ((HUGS)) and say a prayer that ya'll will find a way to move forward together and let the past go.
ReplyDeleteMarcia
Marcia, your words have really gone straight to my heart. I appreciate your understanding. I think that if I handled the second Christmas idea better than the kids would have forgotten about it and all of this would be a mute point. There is nothing I can do to change last year, no matter how hard I try. Well except to point out the good things. Thank you for your good ideas and advice.
DeleteSometimes disappointments are so hard to get over! My only suggestion would be, have you thought about asking your husband to be really involved in Christmas this year? Ask him if he will look over the presents you have already gotten and decide what else you will be buying the children, either ones you suggest or things they want. It sort of sounds like most years the shopping and wrapping falls to you (which is fine, most men I know don't really like shopping), but maybe if he could take some ownership in making this Christmas special, you will feel like he is contributing to making this year better than the last one and he will feel like he is making up for having to say no to the 2nd Christmas. Go with his suggestions, what you should serve for dinner, what activities you are going to do as a family, what you should buy for the children etc. Share the burden a bit. Sometimes men can be surprisingly creative when they are given the permission to contribute and know you will be happy with whatever he comes up with. I also think the children will pick up on you two being a united front on Christmas and I think if you ask/let your husband lead in this situation (I know easier said than done sometimes) things will turn around.
ReplyDeleteThe only other thing I thought of was that Jesus didn't get his presents on his birthday either. The three Wise Men didn't show up for a while, so maybe you really were celebrating a traditional Christmas and didn't even know it :-).
Cygnet, I really like your ideas and my husband did too. I have always been the shopper, the wrapper, the planner and all that. He would like to be part of all of that. I would never have known because he had never said anything to me about that till he read your comment. Thanks. And you are right about the wise men too
DeleteIn my youth, we children always knew how much money there was for presents. My mother saved coupons al year long and come the Holidays, we all helped glue them onto the cards. Went to the shop to convert them into money, and that was the budget.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know Blondie, we always had exactly enough presents.
Never saw one of the 5 children discontented.
Bas, I never remember being disappointed at Christmas either. I always try to stick with a budget and I usually do really well. It was me who felt empty at Christmas time with the tree looking so empty. I need to be a better wife and mother so my kids will always be greatful for what they have. Thanks for the reminder.
DeleteBy the way, what number in the five were you?
Blondie,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, Been there. Done that. We have had two very bleak Christmases. And that is just so hard especially when you are trying so hard to still make special for the kids.
But I wanted to let you know that your husband sounds like his pride was hurt by not being able to provide a Christmas to his own family. As I have noticed over the last few years, guys and their pride, its very delicate and you have to tread carefully. Just ensure he knows you don't blame him. Its not his fault, things happen, and maybe don't mention 'real christmas' again...:)
Julia, you are right on the mark. I did hurt his pride with the words I used and how I said things did sound like I was accusing him and blaming him. Thanks for the straightforward comment reminding me of doing the right thing. Love my blog friends.
DeleteHi Blondie,I've just recently started reading DD blogs and have seen your comments a few other blogs. I'm glad I've finally made it to your site. I really don't have anything better to add than what anyone has already said, but your post got me thinking. I never went without plenty of presents for Christmas while growing up. There are also only a few presents that I received that I remember. But when I think of Christmas, what I really remember is the time spent with my family and the activities we did together that made it so special. It was my mom's love for the whole holiday season that made it such a wonderful time. Decorating the tree and the house, Christmas caroling with family and friends to collect money for the Tree of Lights foundation, baking cookies, painting wooden ornaments with my grandmother-those ornaments I still have and are one of my most treasured possessions. Children are resilient and will get over any disappointment about presents. What they'll really remember is the little moments that bring you closer together. I hope you feel less stressed this year and create the most memorable Christmas yet.
ReplyDelete