Ty and I have been going around in circles for the last few months or so. It's like we are both missing something and don't know what it is. I know that we need more alone/quiet time together. I know I need him to be more dominant and to hold me accountable more. But I don't know what he is wanting and he says he just wants to make me happy. But I told him what I wanted and it doesn't seem like he is trying to make any of it happen. So I feel like I am floundering and I hate this feeling. My counselor thinks that I am doing great but she doesn't get it all because I am not sharing everything with her about our dynamic. I wish I was better with writing down how I feel. I use to be so good but now it seems like I am erasing and doubting what I write. Winter and the holidays have wreaked havoc on my depression in the past. I just want some stability to help me through this time. I feel lost and just wandering. How do I explain things to someone else when I don't always understand myself. Grrr.
I think a good spanking would help me to get my head screwed on straight but that would require effort from Ty and it would mean having time without kids in the house. Ty use to have no problem telling the kids that "Tuesday" night was our date night and they needed to be out of the house for a couple of hours. But it doesn't happen anymore and I don't know why and I seem to be nagging when I ask. It's been so long since I have had a real spanking I am probably putting more power into them then they are for real. But when he is spanking, things seem to be better. Our communication is better. I miss our time. I need the structure.
Thanks for letting me vent in my very confused way......
Hi,
ReplyDeleteIt makes perfect sense to me!
--Baker
Thank you for understanding. Sometimes I think that I am alone in all of this.
DeleteBlondie, you know I understand. I often have the same problem and all our kids have flown the coop. Everyone pushes 'communication' at me. They're not wrong, but it's so damn hard at times. Maybe you don't need to explain everything to him. But maybe you could email him telling him you need an evening with just him and would he try to help you get rid of the kids one night. Anyway it couldn't hurt. Good luck
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, we do need a night. And I had him read this post but I believe he needs more information than this. I am writing him a letter that will be more specific and I hope that helps. Now we just need a date night. I am looking forward to empty nest or at least for some of them to be moving on. The ones in school can stay. That would allow us some alone time probably. And I know how important communication is, you are right it is hard.
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ReplyDeleteYou should start blogging again. Look at how much love and advice is out there. I miss my blog friends when I am away. This is my place to be honest, which would explain why I took a chance and spilled my guts over how things are going in our DD relationship. There are so many things that get in the way of communication, or even growth. You know where I am too.....
DeleteHey sweet Blondie...I'm sorry you're so confused and frustrated. I would suggest you share this post with Ty and ask him for a Tuesday night date night. Even if it was just a vanilla date, you two need the alone time. You could always use the line that Rogue used on Jarrod "someone in this room is gonna get a spanking and I don't care which one of us it is!" Remember that? Sending lots of positive energy that you and Ty can work this out.
ReplyDeleteHugs and blessings...Cat
I took your advice and he read my post. He actually read it after we had had a little conversation about everything, he was confused as to when I wrote the blog post because we had just talked. Believe me, that little bit of conversing wasn't enough but it was all that we had time for. We need a date night and I will probably have to be the one to make it work. Then I have to sit down and figure out what I want to say. Thank you for all of your good advice and encouragement.
DeleteHi Blondie, I think Cat's idea to show im this post is a good one and yes ask for a date night too. Hope you get what you need soon
ReplyDeletelove Jan, xx
Cat's idea is good, I agree too. I will need to make a date night happen and hopefully we can really work things out. We have to work together as we grow and change. And we will, it's just that I am so lost right now. Thank goodness for my blog friends, like you, who understand.
DeleteHugs Blondie, I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I get it. I agree with Cat also. I hope you get what you need soon.
ReplyDeleteHugs Roz
well I agree, Cat's idea is good. Not sure about the spanking part, lol. Only I need the spanking. Ty read my post but now I need to plan a date night and really make sure that we have the alone time to really discuss things. Thank you for your hugs and support.
Deletei'm gonna jump on the Cat bandwagon. maybe even if Ty doesn't get it (deep down inside) about why and what you need, telling him that going through the motions (ie the spanking itself) helps you too. U know, fake it till you make it? I read an article about how sometimes actions influence one's emotions/thoughts, and not always the other way around. We think that when we're happy we smile, but if we're sad, and we force ourselves to smile, the action has an impact on our brains and convince us that we're happy after all. I think sometimes we want our guys to "understand the meaning of TTWD" when really, even a regular spanking could be beneficial. Oops. I've gone on too long. Go get that date, and tell him you need 10 swats in the car. Better than zero right?
ReplyDeleteGood advice, which I really appreciate. Fake it till I make it is my life story lately. No one would know that I am lost and needing some grounding (except Ty). We just got off track because of life and now we need to get back on it. He benefits from the TTWD relationship too and that is what I have to remind him about. The whole thing is a give and take, just like the rest of our marriage. All right, ten swats it is - in the car is fine with me. Thanks
DeleteIt's easy to say communicate but it's hard. I think Cat could be right to show this post to TY. Can you organise a date night yourself and just tell TY that so and so night it going to be your night?
ReplyDeleteHope you get what you need.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
I took Cat's advice and showed him my post. Kind of helped. And now I am going to take your advice and plan a date night, myself. We have a lot to talk about all of the time but we need a night for our TTWD most importantly. Being too busy is the problem, so I will make it happen. Thank you
DeleteNothing restores my equilibrium like a good spanking. I don’t know why it works, it just does. I’m with Cat too, show this post to Ty. It can be easier to communicate with the written word, rather than getting tied in knots trying to have a conversation. I hope you get what you need.
ReplyDeleteRosie xx
Thanks Rosie. I showed him the post but it's not enough for him. He needs more. So I am going to write down what I want to say and let him read it. I would get tied in knots and flub up what I want to say if I just had to spill it. It's nice to know that I am not alone with needing a good spanking. It does restore the equilibrium.
DeleteHi Blondie,
ReplyDeleteI think there is some wisdom in the "fake it til you make it" line of thinking. Talk to Ty, ask for that date, and show him your post. Asking for help when you are floundering is to be expected and he is a good guy, he wants to help, but maybe he just doesn't realize your not as "fine" as you seem. You might just be surprised at how much he wants to help :)
Thank you for blogging. I'm a long long time lurker who remembers Rogue! LOL! I do NOT see Ty getting spanked so that just leaves you.
Mignon
Your comment really touched me. Thank you. I did take Cat's advice and showed him my post but we need to talk about too. Now I need to make it happen because he isn't getting how important it is to me, probably because I fake it. He has been so busy at work and with all the kids, things are just crazy. I told Rogue that she was mentioned in my comments and she laughed. Maybe she will leave a comment too, she does give good advice.
DeleteI am sorry you are feeling lost. I hope you get some time together soon to reconnect and that you get the spanking you so desire and need. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks Terps! We need to reconnect so badly. I know that I am spiraling but I have a feeling that this will help him too. It does when we are really making each other and our ttwd relationship a priority. We just have to get back there. So one date night coming up. Kicking the kids out soon, just for a couple of hours, they can handle it.
DeleteBlondie I agree with Cat, you need to ask Ty for a date night. Then the two of you sit down to discuss everything that's worrying you. Hope it all works out. Sending positive vibes your way.
ReplyDeleteHugs Lindy xx
Cat gave good advice, and I showed him the post. Because he still isn't understanding, I will have to make a date night happen. He is better at kicking the kids out for a couple of hours than I am - but I can do this! My blog friends have really helped me out with their advice and comments. Thank you
DeleteI'm late to the post here. Being sick is no fun! That said -- I think Cat's advice was quite excellent. It truly is about communication, and your paddle on his rear is a good form of communication. Generally gets the point across. :)
ReplyDeleteLet me also toss in a different perspective here. Sometimes it's harder to be the Dom/Domme than we realize. With great power comes much responsibility. And sometimes we're tired. And sometimes we second guess what's needed. And sometimes LIFE just gets in the way. IMHO, this is an excellent time for YOU to remind the kids and Ty that's it's date night. Smile at that man of yours and whisper how much you're looking forward to seducing him (while getting your needs met too). Every so often, a tiny nudge is just what a Dom needs.
Or an occasional hard wallop across his backside. With a paddle he made. That is SO hot. And you'd feel better too, just venting those frustrations -- okay, okay, I'm stopping now! Tell the man I said HELLO! And I'm sending you hugs, my friend!!
Thank you Rogue, for a different look at the situation. I read him your response, and of course he sends hello back at ya. Your opinion matters, my friend.
DeletePlease don’t think you are alone in either area - needing a spanking or struggling to have alone time because of kids in the house. I know both of those feelings very well, and it can send me to a very unhappy place. Recently, I started writing in a journal and sharing it with my husband. We don’t always have time to read it together and discuss it, but he will always read my new entries and leave a little comment. It has been a big help to both of us so just thought I would mention it. Hope you get your date night and spanking soon!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. That is really good advice. I write better than I speak sometimes. So maybe I can express myself in a journal form and he can read it and hopefully understand what is going on. Thanks again!
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