Candace Cameron Bure Defends Being "Submissive" to Husband: It's the
"Biblical Definition"
While Candace Cameron Bure has been happily married to ex-NHL player Valeri Bure for 17 years, her conservative views on marriage may come as a shock to many in modern day.
The erstwhile Full House star, who has three children with her hubby, recently appeared on HuffPost Live where she opened up about her "submissive" role as a wife, which she outlines in her book, Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose and explained her reasoning for letting her man make the final decision—even if she may not always agree.
Bure writes in her book: "My husband is a natural born leader. I quickly learned that I had to find a way of honoring his take-charge personality and not get frustrated about his desire to have the final decision on just about everything. I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work."
And when host Nancy Redd suggests that the 37-year-old star's views may seem controversial to many, Candace clarified the meaning behind her use of the word submissive.
"The definition I'm using with the word submissive is the biblical definition of that," she explained. "So, it is meekness, it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength. And that's what I choose to have in my marriage."
Bure continued, insisting she still has somewhat of a say when it comes to making major decisions in their family.
"Listen, I love that my man is a leader. I want him to lead and be the head of our family and those major decisions do fall on him. It doesn't mean I don't voice my opinion and it doesn't mean I don't have an opinion—I absolutely do but it is very difficult to have two heads of authority," the mother of three admitted. "It doesn't work...And when you're competing with two heads that can pose a lot of problems or issues. So within my marriage we are equal in our importance," she said before pausing, taking a moment to carefully chose her wording, "But we are different in our performances in our marriage."
And when Redd notes that Bure writes in her book that her husband is always right even if the couple disagrees, the author defends herself.
"It doesn't mean he's right—I allow him to make the final choice," she said. "But obviously I will make my opinion very clear and clearly, I have been married for 17 years and we have a very happy marriage and it works very well. I trust my husband. That trust has been built and I know that because I trust him and I build him up and give him the respect that he would like to have within our marriage, so he listens to everything that I have to say and takes my opinion very seriously and many of the times he will sway to what I would like even if he doesn't see eye to eye with me because he really values my opinion."
She added: "So again I use that word [submissive], but I feel like it's taken so strongly when I'm kind of like, 'Everyone just calm down.'"
Alyssa Toomey, eonline
Seconds ago
Very interesting! I love seeing more and more public accptance and views on Dominant/submissive relationships. :)
ReplyDeleteLuv ya, girl.
Pretty soon the discipline part will become more mainstreamed. Love you too. Thanks for texting me and we'll chat soon.
DeleteI think everyone should be able to live their relationship in a way that makes them happy and flourish.
ReplyDeleteWhy is submissive a dirty word? I am not saying that I am...however why is it a bad thing? It seems to me that one person in the relationship always must compromise. When there is a difference and headway isn't being made how can you get past that point? Why would you be in a relationship where you do not trust the other person to put you first?
Everywhere you look even in friendships there is a dominant and a submissive....
The word submissive just has negative connotations. I usually explain to my friends that we have a 51-49 lifestyle. Never found it appropriate to mention spanking though Lol
DeleteVery interesting interview. I think it would be great if more people could talk about their relationships and what works for them in an open honest way without the worry of judgment. Thanks for sharing. Hugs, Terps
ReplyDeleteMe too. I will say that I need to check with my husband or mention how both of us can't be in charge. I will share that it has even saved our marriage. Most people still don't get it
DeleteThanks for sharing Blondie...Over the years, I have heard several reports that 'hinted' at her attitude but this lays it out there. Don't know if any spanking, etc. is involved but very much sounds like a DD marriage to me. Am definitely adding her book to my TBR list...as if it isn't long enough! LOL
ReplyDeleteBottom line...it works for them and they have a successful marriage! But ya know even thoug it's their business, there are going to be critics because she is 'deferring' to a man...gasp! ;)
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
I would like to read her book too but I am afraid that her book might not be as good as the interview. Deferring to a man - what was I thinking? Don't tell Ty I said that
DeleteThanks for sharing this Blondie.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great to see people sharing what makes their marriage work for them. There is such a connotation on the word "submissive" and yes, there will be critics, but I think she does a valiant job of defining what it means for her.
Hugs,
Roz
I so agree with you. Wish there was a different word that meant the same thing as submissive. It is a hard word for some to swallow. Especially since there are people, like me and Ty, that carry the submissive/dominant lifestyle into our bedroom.
DeleteHi Blondie, I think she is great. How brave she is to be able to come right out and say it. I wish I was so strong as her. Good luck to them I say, Maybe she secretly is one of us, just saying...............
ReplyDeletelove Jan.xx
I wonder also if she is too. CDD, Christian Domestic Disipline is based on the Bible I think. Do they also believe in the punishment part? I wonder
DeleteThanks so much for sharing this! I'm adding the book to my reading list. So great that she can voice her opinion. I know my friends would have a heart attack if they knew I was starting DD in our 18-year marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy friends too. We started it in our 21st year. But our friends comment all the time about how good our marriage is now. DD has saved and improved our relationship, almost making it a new marriage. When they ask, I simply say that we have a 49/51% marriage. Ty makes the final decision but now he listens to me and tries to understand. Big difference
DeleteMy husband sent my that link yesterday, what an amazing interview. Good for her, she's obviously very happy.
ReplyDeleteNeed more people like her to share their lifestyle
DeleteI do wish more people in the public eye would "come out" about deferring to their menfolk. I see nothing wrong with it. I have done it for all 36 years of our marriage - but we only added the spanking part a year ago because I had never heard of it before then. (Wish I had.) Now the good marriage we had is even stronger and our "closeness" has amazed even us! There are some days when I would love to tell the whole world that I am a spanked wife - but of course, I never would because I am too chicken to do so, and because I fear all the repercussions it would pull down on our heads. A shame though. Well done Candace Bure! Maybe if people were to support what she has said, she will say even more.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Ami
Wow! The entire marriage? Congrats on 36 years! I always figure that maybe the lifestyle and/or spanking wasn't part of my marriage before because I wouldn't have been accepting of it. I don't know. Obviousl6y, it takes a strong woman to be submissive
DeleteShe did a good job! I wish she'd gone further, though, in articulating that she experiences the incredible benefits of his adoration, protection, and strengths, and it gives her the security to be who she is, in the circle of his leadership. We cannot possibly get the FULL benefit of their leadership without also adopting our role, and accepting their "authority" in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI don't think this hints at a DH lifestyle, I think she is merely speaking out about biblical submission, which MANY women believe in.
I could relate to much of what she said. I married a naturally dominant man, who is most comfortable leading and making the decisions for us. But he always wants my opinion and he honors it.
Your husband is dominant? Lol! We'll have to read her book and see if she goes into more detail about her marriage. It should be interesting.
DeleteWow, thanks for sharing. It is great that she is putting this out there. Letting the world know there is nothing wrong with being submissive :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Tricia
Tricia, she did do a really good job of explain what submissive means
DeleteJust as Minella has written D / s aspect is everywhere, more or minder pronounced. In many marriages also without knowing even what D / s is.
ReplyDeleteI do not think the problem is the word submissive.
That which is difficult for many to accept that someone is subbmisseve to the spouse is .... Punishment bit
It does not need to be there .. and I hope that they do not have it, (now you are surprised, right? .. Lol ..)
They may still have a D / s marriage-
CP direct turning the entire piece into something completely different in others and that is when people talk about abuse and brainwashing ....
It is such a touchy subject when discipline is involved. Being submissive isn't being weak. In a marriage where there is a husband and a wife who love and respect reach other and..... the husband is the head of the house and has the final decision is somewhat different than a Domestic Discipline marriage. It is too much for me to try and explain my feelings.
DeleteEphesians Chapter 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.
What does it mean to submit?
if everyone would just feel comfortable with themselves being whatever kind of woman you want would not raise eyebrows!
ReplyDeleteI have always liked her, and just loved what you shared here. :) I knew she had great valued in raising her kids, but had not heard much about her marriage. How refreshing to hear her standing up and stating very plainly that this is how it works for them. :) Thank you so much for sharing. :)
ReplyDelete{{{hugs}}} EsMay
Thanks for sharing this, what an awesome read! Very interested in reading the book and see if she hints at anything more. :)
ReplyDelete