Crying After A Spanking Really ................ wasn't so great

How long have we been doing this spanking thing? Not counting the fun spankings before we started this whole journey where he is the HoH and I submit to his rules and his punishments, it's been almost three years. This is probably the best decision that we ever made for our marriage - well except getting married in the first place. So the crying after the discipline spanking is what I am referring to.

A couple of weeks ago, probably during our Tuesday Night Date, for the first time, I cried and cried. after the spanking.And the sore throat and headache really made me question why people think it is so important for a woman to cry and the end of the spanking - the release.
I have read, in so many different places, about why the release and the crying is so healthy and good for the reason behind the spanking.
Okay, I understand that there is a difference between crying during the spanking as in regard to the after the spanking. We probably all scream and cry and beg for the spanking to be over, yelling how sorry we are and praying that the spanking will be over. That is something I know I do. Well, except for the cry part - never during or after, not even before.
About seven years ago, a terrible tragedy hit my family. It was horrible and devastating. I was being pulled in so many different directions as my children each needed me in different ways. And Ty and I blamed each other. I really blamed him. I questioned my faith because I begged God for comfort and direction and I felt nothing.I have never cried so much in my entire life. If you add up all of the times I have cried through the years, I cried even more than that during the heartbreaking time. And when I finally stopped crying, that was it. I never cried again.
That's not to say that I don't get teary. When I am really mad, hurt, or happy, I will get teary. But the break down sobbing crying was gone. I really don't care what people think about that statement, you can say that that is not possible, it's all in my head, etc. But I truly stopped crying.
And I can honestly say that this incident was the beginning of the end of our marriage. Too much blame, too much hurt, and not enough trust or desire to return to being a couple. Time did not heal our marriage or our hearts. We even partook in 3 1/2 years of marriage counseling. Yep, no crying. Tears but no sobbing or releasing of my internal self.

For some reason or reasons, I finally let loose and cried and it happened to be at the end and after a spanking. It was kind of a punishment spanking, definitely not a fun one. I was worried about my dad, there were some painful feelings that were emerging regarding the incident in one of my
children, boyfriend issues, and generally just life. Too many places to go and to much to do. Okay, okay, I will admit it, I was being a little snippy.......well maybe rude........ okay, okay, I was being a real bitch. Plus I wasn't getting all my work done and I didn't care.
Tuesday night rolled along. Ty and I talked about things, then he did the lecture thing which continued during the warm up. And then the spanking. I don't think either of us made any noise during the spanking. He would stop every once in awhile to see how I was doing but there was nothing. No remorse, no "let's get this over with", nothing. Usually after the spanking we cuddle and he always forgives me and makes sure I forgive myself
This time was different, he wasn't done. He began talking to me while spanking me. Usually there is no way I can focus on what he is saying during a spanking but I heard his words. hey were words of l
ove and support. I was safe with him. And I finally felt it, I felt safe.
That feeling alone began to overwhelm me. Knowing that I really wasn't all alone with all this chaos of life, that was overwhelming. Realizing that we really are a team and he is my rock, again overwhelming. I knew that when my father passed, or the soccer season ended, or all of the other things that were too much to handle, Ty has my back. He is the strength when I am weak.
And so I began to cry. Probably shocked the hell out of Ty. He did say that he was happy that I was finally able to just release it all.
The thing is, I don't want to cry like that again
. I want to feel sorrow during times of sadness, I want to feel my feelings right then and there. This sobbing just gave me a head ache and a sore throat.